Perhaps, almost every girl has had that experience in her life when she meets a nice guy, they have a lovely date, and then he just disappears without saying a word! He does not text you for days, and when you finally decide to cut it short and move on, he returns!
In this situation, when a guy texts you back after a long time, most girls would feel embarrassed and puzzled.
What shall I do now? On my God, he finally texted me back, should I respond?!
What shall I say to him?! And in addition, you keep on wondering what made this guy disappear without any warning first, and then come back as if nothing happened.
So exactly for those girls who are in the same situation right now, we decided to prepare a helpful article on this subject.
Read on to know what makes guys behave like this, what you shall do if he unexpectedly messages you after being absent for days or even weeks (if not longer), and finally, what you should say to him in this case.
We do hope that this information will be helpful for you, and next time you meet such a man, you will be able to easily figure out what kind of person is in front of you, and what you should expect from him.
What to Say When He Finally Contacts You?
When he doesn’t text back for days, and then he suddenly shows up with a hello message, you will definitely feel a whole bunch of different emotions! Irritation, embarrassment, wonder, surprise, bewilderment – all of them are pertinent and have full right for existence!
He disappeared without saying a word after you have just met and had a nice date or two, he didn’t show up for days or even weeks, and now he suddenly texts you back saying hello! We are sure this can drive anyone crazy!
But here is another question that girls ask themselves when something like this happens. Most of you ladies wonder what to do when a guy texts you after a long time. Is it better to ignore him?
Shall you text him back and try to figure out what happened and why he vanished so fast last time? Is it better if you wait until he sends a message to you asking for your forgiveness?
Well, of course, you are free to do whatever you wish and whatever you feel like. Being ghosted sucks, that’s true.
There is no such woman who would like to meet a guy who is very into her, date him, and then see him turning tail and running far away. So you can, of course, ban him in all your messengers and draw conclusions from this experience.
However, we would like to suggest a few more alternative variants of how to act in this case.
See, not every guy who acts like this is a bad or ignorant person! He might have reasons for acting this way, and you should consider all the possible variants before you take your final decision!
So how to respond when he comes back to you after being absent for quite a long period of time? Check out what we can suggest and decide, which of these ways you could take in your particular case!
And remember that you can always mix them together if you are still not sure whether you should take any strict measures or not right now.
So, off we go!
Say Nothing. At All
Instead of wasting your precious time on wondering why he did what he did, and whether it was your fault or not, just ignore him. Once and for all. Yep, that is tough, but this is exactly what quite many girls do. Do to him exactly what he did to you.
This is probably the easier way of actions, and it entirely depends on whether or not you actually had a connection with this guy. So ask yourself a few easy questions.
Did you like him?
Before he ghosted on you, did you connect enough that you feel like it might be worthwhile to see what he has been up to and get to the bottom of why he disappeared? If the answer is no, then you don’t owe him your time or attention.
When he doesn’t text back for days, most women simply decide that it is not worthy of their time to try to solve this puzzle, and so they prefer to move on and find someone who actually responds to their messages.
After all, it was him who started ghosting on you!
It can be a couple days, weeks, months or even years when he finally decides to come back and check up on you again.
By then, you are either over it or moved on. So what do you do?
The best would be to let him know how it feels to be waiting for a response and just never get one. Guys who ghost on women more often than not have never had it happen to them before. So, give him a little taste of his own medicine!
Why not? Especially if he’s not messaging you with a good explanation for what happened right off the bat.
By the way, if you don’t feel like staying in touch with this guy, feel free to ban him in all the messengers you have his contact in, so that he could not show up now and then whenever he feels like and disturb you!
Get to the Bottom Of It
Instead of wasting your time and nerves on trying to figure out why this guy did what he did, and what makes him not texting you for days, just ask him, straight up, what has happened.
This would be the simplest and the quickest way to know whether anything is wrong – of course, if the guy is honest enough and he tells you the truth!
After all, there may have been something serious that happened in his life that forced him to take all his attention away from other areas in his life. Maybe a tragedy struck his family, or he got seriously ill.
He could have lost his job or had to move! Life is so unpredictable sometimes, and it is often full of so many twists and turns that anything could have happened to him! It could cause him to have to stop responding to your messages.
On the other hand, even if this was the case, he definitely should have mentioned it to you beforehand!
But still, if you feel that you have a real connection with this guy, then it is a good idea to get to the bottom of what happened to him before you make a final decision.
Related: How to Respond to Hey?
Why Not Give Him Another Chance?
When a guy that you dated quite a long time ago appears again after being absent for days, you might be very happy on the one hand. Oh, he texted me, that’s great! But on the other hand, there is also quite a lot of disappointment and offence because of how he acted.
So if you are still in doubt whether you should cut all the communication down or not with him, here is a piece of advice from us: if you feel like your connection is strong enough, then you can give him another chance.
However, it is important that he explains to you what made him vanish so fast! If his explanation for why he disappeared on you feels reasonable enough and he seems truly sorry that it happened, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t reconnect with him.
After all, there may be something special between the two of you that you don’t want to let get away. Of course, if he ghosts on you again then you have no reason to pardon him!
But if it happens once and you feel up to it, there’s no reason not to let him back into your life on a trial basis.
Related: How to Respond to Get Well Soon?
Wait a Bit Before Answering Him
If he finally texted you after a few days of complete silence, don’t rush to join the conversation! It’s ok if you wait a bit – for 10-15 minutes and up to a couple of hours – before you text him back.
Also, it is fine if you reply next morning should he send you a message late at night. Like this, you will show him that you are not sitting by the phone, waiting for him to show up!
Ask Him What Happened If He Hasn’t Explained Yet
We all know that it’s not polite to disappear in the middle of conversation and then return in a few days.
Thhis is called ghosting and if your guy is doing so, ask him what’s happened. Don’t just pick up the conversation where you left it! You can use one of the following phrases to let him explain himself:
- “Wow, I haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s up?”
- “Surprised to hear from you…thought you ghosted.”
- “What happened last time we talked? You disappeared!”
Do a Vibe Check to See If His Reaction Seems Legit
If you have recently met, it’s ok that you don’t know him and his behavior well enough yet. This is why don’t hesitate to be a bit skeptical about everything he is telling you (especially if you suspect him to be a kind of a player!). So simply listen to what he tells you carefully and then compare his answers to what you already know about this guy.
- If you know he’s working on a new project right now at work and he said he was gone because of some troubles at work, that is most likely true.
- If you know he’s an only child in a family, but he says he was away for his brother’s birthday, note that he might be telling lies!
Let Him Know That You Don’t Tolerate Ghosting
It doesn’t matter whether you are friends, a couple or have just started dating, ghosting people is not good anyway! If someone wants to spend some time alone, he or she should tell about it other people whom this person is in contact with.
So if your guy suddenly disappeared for a few days and then just shoed up all happy and ready to go on, let him know how you feel about such a behavior. Be short, one or two sentences is enough, and use “I” statements to describe how you felt when he vanished for no reason in the middle of the conversation. Something like that:
- “I thought we were really having a good conversation! I felt disappointed when I didn’t hear from you for so long.”
- “I was kind of confused when you stopped texting in the middle of our conversation.”
- “I felt worried after you didn’t text me for a few days, but when I saw you were still active on social media, I realized you’d ghosted me. That made me feel hurt and angry.”
Politely Explain He Has to Try Harder
Let him know that you are not interested in any kind of game. So if he really wants to be with you, he will have to work for it!
- “I don’t really spend time chasing after people who can’t make time for me.”
- “If you’re into me, it shouldn’t be hard to respond to my texts.”
- “I’m dating intentionally right now, so I don’t have time for someone who only texts once a month.”
Make Him Respect You!
If your boyfriend tends to ghost you regularly, don’t just let him treat you however he wants! You should stand up for yourself to make him know that you respect yourself and this is exactly what is demanded from him as well.
By making it clear that you are not okay with him ghosting you, he will see that you have certain standards, as well as self-confidence and self-respect.
Anyway, if you see that he is not into that, he is probably not the kind of guy you want to be around!
Give Yourself Time to Figure Out Your Feelings
When you finally receive the text message that you have been waiting for so bad, you probably feel excited! But at the same time, you may also be a little disappointed or even angry that he disappeared in the first place.
So instead of texting him back immediately, reflect on these feelings for a moment.
You will most likely find that it affects how you choose to respond to him. For example, instead of just brushing off the fact that he ghosted you, you might want to figure out why he did so instead.
Give Him One More Chance
If a guy seems really sorry for disappearing unexpectedly, it is up to you whether to give him another chance. Anyway, maybe his explanations and excuses are true and his phone really did break, or maybe he got busy and forgot to text you back.
If he generally acts pretty interested in you and his excuse seems real, it’s okay to give him the chance to improve his behavior. You can say something like:
“I guess I’ll let it slide this time, but only once!”
Anyway, keep in mind that he is into you if he is usually responsive to your calls and texts, he acts excited to see you, and he invites you to do things with him.
Is He Stringing You Alone? Move On Then!
Unfortunately, such men are not rare. They just text or call you once in a while but not because they are really interested.
It is neeed only to keep you hoocked! Such behavior is often called “breadcrumbing” because it’s like a man being dropping you bits of his time and attention when he feels like doing so. Just to keep you interfested.
Men may often do so just for keeping you around as an option in case he wants to hook up down the road. However, he is not serious about getting to know you, and you deserve better.
You can test him pretty simply: next time he texts you, suggest him to do something innocent together like take a walk in a park or grab a cup of coffee in a nearby cafe. If it never happens, then he is most likely breadcrumbing.
Do The Same to Him
Was he not answering you for days and now he is suddenly here, like nothing happened? If this is his normal behavior and he does it not for the first time, it might be a good chance for you to show him how it all looks from your perspective now.
Simply keep silence when he suddenly texts you out of the blue.
Just don’t reply to his message for as much time as he wasn’t answering to yours. Then, you can text him back and if he asks why you didn’t answer, you can give him back the very same reply he usually gives to you:
- “Oh, sorry, I was super busy at work. Didn’t have time at all!”
- “Was out of town in some family business.”
If he says nothing and keeps communicating with you as usual, it might be the sign that he doesn’t actually care much about you and your communication. Or this type of communication is normal for him.
Get to Know Him
If a guy hasn’t sent a single message to you for quite a long period of time and now he suddenly appeared again, don’t rush to involve into this conversation as if nothing happened! A lot must have changed during the span of no communication.
This is why it would not be wise of you to treat this person in the same manner you used to.
It would be best to know him afresh before you take things forward. Ask how he’s doing and why he was absent for so long, and listen carefully to what he says.
Ask Why He Showed Up
If a guy was not in touch for a long time and then he unexpectedly started texting you again as if you didn’t stop your conversation at all, this must alert you. What’s on his mind? Don’t hesitate to ask him directly about it!
- “Hey, why’re you texting me after so long?”
- “Haven’t heard from you for quite a while. What’re you up to?”
Depending on what he replies, you can see better what his intentions are. If he says he was very busy working or coping with some personal problems, you might want to learn more about it.
But if he gives you no meaningful explanations and pushes you to communicate or even meet, think twice: do you really need that?
Try Not to Pry
Even if you didn’t hear from him for a while, try not to spy on him on his social media and/or gather information from mutual friends. Like this, you would look weird and really bad to him.
Besides, you can get a lot of unnecessary and probably hurtful information.
If he didn’t directly tell you something, it would be best not to ask him inappropriately or try to find it out from somewhere else. Anyway, it is always best to ask a person directly. If he refuses to respond, then you can decide on what to do next.
Even if you feel mad about him because of his ghosting, it is not a reason to be rude or text him in a rude or offensive manner. Like this, you will only display yourself as a hysterical lady.
Instead, talk to him calmly.. If you feel offended by his absence, tell that to him, explaining how you felt about his behavior.
Maintain Some Distance
If a man wasn’t texting you for long enough, you might feel tempted to dive into communication once he appears again. But hold on!
If you do so, he will think that he is overly important to you, which will make him think he can do anything, and you will accept that.
So better keep some distance at first. Don’t show him you are excited about the fact he finally showed up.
Let him understand that you, too, have your own businesses, and you were not sitting by the phone all the time while he was gone.
Ensure you’re not suggesting anything outside of your original intentions, or this might lead to something you weren’t expecting. If your messages tell you’re into him, he will feel motivated to make a move or probably keep his distance.
Since messages can be interpreted in multiple ways, ensure yours is as straightforward as possible.
Pay Attention to What He Writes to You
If a man texted you after a long period of silence, you could quickly know his motives from the way he’s texting you.
If he’s acting flirty, he might want to rekindle something romantic with you. If his text has a casual tone, he might be trying to catch up with an old friend.
Please pay attention to every text you’re receiving! This step can reveal so much about the basis of the conversation.
Outright Ask Him
Both of you haven’t communicated for long enough. So don’t miss the opportunity to know why he’s messaging you out of the blue.
This will put things into perspective and help you handle the situation accordingly. It will also ensure you do not have the wrong expectations.
End Things If Necessary
Remember that you’re not obligated to keep the conversation going if you’re not comfortable with it. If you don’t understand his intentions, and he’s not explaining why he texted, then you can end things.
Avoid Behaving Or Talking Rude If You Try to End Things!
While trying to end things with a man that texted you after a lengthy period, it’s crucial not to be rude to him. His intentions may be wrong, but being rude or offensive to him would only make you seem the bad person in the situation.
Don’t give him reasons to call you out for your bad behavior. Instead, let him know you’re not comfortable with things most politely and honestly.
Control Your Emotions
When answering a message from a guy who has been ghosting you for a while, the best thing to do is keep all the feelings in check. You don’t want him to take advantage of any emotions of yours! Being emotionally open to a man you haven’t talked to in a long period will only cause the situation to be weird.
Try Not to Brag About Your Accomplishments
If a man texts you after a while, bragging about your accomplishments during his absence is not a good idea. It would make him to feel like you desperately need to impress him.
Even though you want to show him you were ok without him, let him find out himself.
Be a Little Mysterious
Leaving a lot to the unknown will always put you one step ahead in a conversation with a man who ghosted you. Don’t struggle to set up boundaries with him again!
It will make you look less vulnerable and keep him interested in you.
Stay On Course!
If you’re chatting with a man that texted you after a long while, keep the conversation on the same topic until everything starts to make sense. Don’t be carried away by the things he may bring up.
If you really want to understand why he’s texting you, bring it up. Like this, you will still have control, and the conversation only trails if you want it to.
Try Not to Be Passive-Aggressive
If you reply to him in this manner, it would only make you seem unruly. Instead, telling him you’re not comfortable with the conversation is much better than being passive-aggressive. Honesty is always more honorable! Just tell him:
- “Look, I don’t feel like keep on going with this talk because [give your reasons]”
- “I’d rather not continue this conversation because I feel [explain how you feel] with your behavior”
Always Be Genuine
Of course, it is accustomed in our society to look polite and nice even when you don’t want to, but sometimes, speaking honestly is the best thing. Just note that honestly doesn’t mean mean!
Be honest about how you feel and communicate this when interacting with a guy that texted you after a long time. There’s no point in pretending that everything is ok or that you’re feeling fine about his behavior.
Simply Move On!
This is a good solution for those girls who don’t feel like ghosting a man back. In this case, you just need to explain to him that, even though you liked him quite a bit, you don’t feel like reconnecting with him again after what he did.
And if his reasons for ghosting on you aren’t convincing enough (or if he has none at all), you can go ahead and let him know that you are not into being led on and then ignored for long periods of time (as most women aren’t!).
Like this, you will clearly let him know how you feel about being ghosted so he can feel it and experience it himself. After all, you will hardly ever talk to this guy again! So take the chance and savor it!
Anyway, no matter which of these ways you choose, it is fully up to you whether you decide to give him another chance or you let him go after he disappeared from your life for so long.
And yes, you have every single reason to feel annoyed and even ticked off at him!
So unless you are sure you two can have it right together, don’t try to be or act sweet. Let him realize how you feel, and don’t hesitate to do this in quite a harsh and strict way.
Nobody has the right to hurt another person by ignoring him or her like this without any explanation!
Why Guys Don’t Text Back For Days And Then Appear Again?
So, you had a nice time together, but then something happened (you have no idea, what!), and this guy suddenly disappears without saying a word to you.
But later, after a few days, or weeks, or sometimes even months, he comes back again texting you as if nothing has happened before!
Is that normal? No, that’s not! So naturally, you will feel confused and embarrassed because of his behavior. However, this is very important now that you keep your head cool and your dignity and sanity in check!
And since now you know some of the possible reasons why he ghosted you, we can turn our attention to finding out the reasons why ghosters ever come back.
He Wants to Prove to Himself That He Can Have You Whenever He Wants
That may not sound pleasant, but this is true. You gave it a try with him, and he ghosted you.
Now that he is back, you are wondering the reason behind him reappearing again. Well, it could be that he wants to use you to prove to himself and the rest of the world that he can have you whenever he wants!
Who knows, perhaps he wanted to show his ex-girlfriend and their mutual friends that he can be with you whenever he chooses, if he’s trying to make her jealous.
He Is Not Aware Of His Mistake
Yes, this is also possible! He might not be even aware that he did something wrong! And unfortunately, this has been happening quite a lot in recent years.
The reason is simple yet pretty sad: quite many men are just not mature enough to realize what they feel for you and thus they make a mistake of leaving you.
They are simply unable to properly express their emotions and they are perfectly fine with just having a casual fling with you from time to time. It does not make them bad people, it simply shows that they are big little boys who can’t take responsibility for what they do.
However, there might be another reason. The guy might not even be aware that he is hurting you when he is ghosting you like this and then reappears again.
Nevertheless, we want you to remember and realize one simple thing: the more you let him come and go from your life freely, the more he will be sure that you want the same thing as he does. And that’s a fling and nothing more!
So we recommend you to be honest with the man the very first time he appears again and tell him how the situation really is.
You Are His Second Option
That man ghosted you and he continued with his dating life as if nothing happened. Then after a certain period of time (that could be very long!), he starts messaging you again, telling you that he misses you and he wants you back.
Naturally, you are wondering about what the real reason behind his messages is.
Does it really mean that he regrets ghosting you or is he keeping you as his second option or even a backup plan?
Even though your emotions are distracting you from seeing the bigger picture here, the answer is obvious. Perhaps your best friend has been pointing out that he is just playing with you but you failed to see it.
Either way, he ghosted you rather than break up with you because he wanted to know that he could come back to you when other girls turned him down. He believes that you are just one phone call away, which is why he hasn’t texted you for a few days.
He Does Not Want You to Move On
If you have been wondering whether or not ghosters ever come back, the truth is that they do and it can happen once they see that you have moved on. When this happens, they suddenly appear in your life again and that could possibly be the reason why your ghoster finally texted you after three days.
This is not because he missed you! He simply didn’t want to allow you to move on with your life without him.
He is a narcissist in disguise and he doesn’t wish for you to be happy without him. guys like him will keep reappearing in your life to prevent you from moving on emotionally as well as mentally.
Every time he sees that you have found someone new, he will immediately reach out and try to make a comeback in your life.
He Simply Feels Lonely Or Bored
We know, it can be difficult to accept the fact that there are people in this world who are cruel and who will use your kindness to their advantage. But the truth is that those kinds of people only want to hurt others and they don’t care whether or not they are going to break your heart!
To tell the truth, ghosters can be these types of people and your man may be one of them. Just because you are always nice to him and you treat him with respect, he sees that as a chance to behave any way he likes toward you.
He believes that you will always give him a second chance and that he can always show up whenever he is lonely or bored.
However, if you keep repeating the same mistake of letting him go in and out of your life as he pleases, then he will simply keep breaking your heart until there is nothing left to break.
So stay alert and see how your man behaves with you. Does he tend to leave and come whenever he wants?
Does he explain his disappearance somehow? If he does, how realistic and strong are those reasons?
Like this, you will be able to clearly see what is going on instead of being surrounded by illusions and dreams.
He Misses You
Yes, this can also be the reason why he behaves like this!
Men are unpredictable, just like women are! So if your guy finally texted you after three days of silence, don’t put aside the possibility that he realized that he made a mistake, and he wants to make things right this time!
So, as you can see, there can be plenty of different reasons why your man disappeared and then returned to you back again.
As a girl, you should not hallucinate about his feelings and intentions though!
Instead, estimate the situation adequately and decide whether or not you would like to continue relations with him.
It’s up to you. But if you don’t intend to communicate with him anymore, then just ban him. Next time he texts you, reply with “Sorry, who’s this?” Towards him, it’s not.
Frequently Asked Questions
⭐ Do I need to ask why he disappeared before sending him to ban?
⭐ What’s the best way to respond to a man who’s been ghosting on me?
⭐ Is ignoring a ghoster a rude behavior?
It’s up to you. But if you don’t intend to communicate with him anymore, then just ban him.
Next time he texts you, reply with “Sorry, who’s this?”
Towards him, it’s not.