How to Respond to Divorce Threats?

Learn what to say if your partner threatens you with divorce!

Written by Meredith Hayes. Updated on How to Respond to Divorce Threats?

People tend to fight and argue, especially if they live together as spouses!

However, when small arguments transform into serious fights after which you start hearing threats including possible divorce, you may start being nervous about that.

When something like this happens, the very first thing one would think of is how to respond if a partner is threatening divorce.

And this article will help you to find all the answers. Read on to learn not only what to say in response should your husband or wife threaten you to divorce but also, what you should do in this case.

Marriage can sometimes be quite a stressful thing, everyone knows that, but you must not allow anyone including your spouse to make you feel so bad when threatened!

What to Say If Your Spouse Threatens You to Divorce?

If your spouse threatens to leave, it is quite a natural reaction to feel mixed up and confused at the very beginning. This is why most people don’t know what to say back in response simply because they can’t pick the right words and react!

Anyway, before you respond, it is important that you determine how you feel about this situation and what you want from your spouse.

No matter how you choose to respond to a divorce threat that comes from your husband or wife, remember the general rule of thumb:

  • think about what you want for your relationship and your family in the future
  • consider whether or not these threats are something you can deal with

And only when you manage to calm down a bit and your mind is clear, only then can you start talking to your spouse about the subject matter. Below, you can check out several ways you can respond should such threats reach you.

What to Say If Your Spouse Threatens You to Divorce?
VitalikRadko via VistaCreate

Do Your Best to Understand Your Emotions In the Threat?

The emotions you faced are definitely unexpected in a threat, and often they are something that you did not face before.

This is especially true for those who face such an issue for the first time in their lives.
And since this is a new and unpleasant experience for you, you most likely cannot control your emotions.

What you could feel in such a situation could be anger from not being understood. Or unhappiness from being blamed unfairly. It could be something important to you but your spouse might think otherwise.

10 Things Your Emotions Are Trying To Tell You10 Things Your Emotions Are Trying To Tell You

There is one thing we want you to adhere to! When something like this happens, don’t bother to think positively! It is not possible, especially from your standpoint. Instead of trying to seem positive, try to understand the emotions you have because it will be useful to manage the right actions for the respective feelings.

It can be as simple as conveying it to others.

Choose Your Behaviors

You might not be able to keep your emotions under control (especially if this is something that you are not used to), but you can control your behaviors for sure.

All you need to do is to separate your emotions from your actions and things will end up better. It is important not to do something you will regret later!

Typically, this is what happens when one of the spouses starts threatening the other with divorce. Your spouse hurt you, you hurt him or her back. Then both of you gradually cool down and things get better or worse, based on how much both of you love each other.

However, it is still possible to choose the way you are going to act should your husband or wife threaten you to leave.

Flare Up And Threaten Back

Of course, flaring up is not quite a good suggestion for the couples that fight and argue! Nevertheless, it really depends on the spouse and the exact situation you have.

Flaring up could actually be useful, for example, if you had a give-and-take relationship where you have been the taker.

In this case, it is important to let your spouse clearly know that you are angry too and hurt! So you can flare back at your spouse but do not say words you might regret. Also, be ready that your spouse might react back and end the relationship over trivia matters too!

That is the most common reason why it is usually not recommended to flare up since it can lead to the most regretful decision in your life.

Flare Up And Threaten Back
doble.dphoto via VistaCreate

Practice Inaction And Focusing On Problem

This is another possible response. Simply prevent your internal state of mind from going crazy and uncontrollable. This is actually what some religions say: you practice self-love first above all. Remember that inaction is also a form of action.

By the way, this method is the typical behavior for people who have a stronger spouse, as well as for those who can’t stand arguments at all.

However, keep in mind that this approach, even though being less stressful, has a huge downside: this method can be quite good to use in the short term only. However, if you use it all the time long-term, it will end up hurting you.

Try Solving the Problem

In fact, this is what you should aim for should any disputes happen in your couple. If nothing helps, the last option to use would be coming up with solutions to tackle the problem in the future.

However, note that this step might never happen if you and your spouse did not move on from the issue that caused the divorce threat.

Also, keep in mind that this method can only be used and work after you calmed down and brought your thoughts together.

You should be over who is right or wrong and you should also have a clear mind and arranged thoughts. This is needed for you to be ready to solve the problem together.

This is actually the easiest response and step when both of you are ready. Just come up with all the options, agree on the action together and work on it. Things will never be perfect but the power of two working on a problem is wonderful.

As you can see now, being aware of how to respond to a threat to leave from your partner is not as simple as you might think of it.

However, on the other hand, there is nothing impossible about it as well! Of course, you will need a lot of patience and some time as well in order to figure things out and find the core of the problem.

However, once this is done, it will be easier for both you and your spouse to move on and find the best decision.

Try Solving the Problem
AllaSerebrina via VistaCreate

What Else Could You Do If Your Spouse Threatens Divorce?

Above, we have provided you with several optional methods of solving the problem described in the title of this article. But are they all that can be used?

In fact, they are not. If you want to learn more, we have prepared a few extra solutions that you might find handy.

What to do if your wife threatens divorce (and how to save your marriage)What to do if your wife threatens divorce (and how to save your marriage)

You can try all of them or choose only one, but please keep in mind that things might not change in a blink of an eye! If your spouse has been threatening you to leave for quite a while, it means that there is definitely an old problem that needs to be solved. And that will take some time and effort from both of you.

Talk to Your Spouse About It

The best way to find a solution is to try having an open discussion with your husband or wife. Such a conversation can become a point where each of you explains where you are coming from.

Explain why the threat of divorce hurts you, explain how you feel about it, and ask your spouse if the threats are serious.

If the two of you manage to talk about the issue calmly and get to the bottom of it, it could shed some light on your current situation. Like that, it will help you discover whether your marriage is truly approaching a divorce.

Talk to Your Spouse About It,
AllaSerebrina via VistaCreate

Consult With a Divorce Attorney

If you think that your spouse’s threats are serious, it might be the time you face the fact that your husband or wife may choose to end your marriage. Of course, one has to be prepared for such a scenario!

To find out what you may be facing and protect yourself, it is wise to talk to a divorce attorney about your situation.

The specialist will help you understand what your options are and be prepared if your spouse files for divorce (or if you ultimately choose to do so yourself).

Work On the Relationship

If you want to work on your relationship and strengthen it, ask your spouse if they are willing to try and fix things. At this point, you might want to consider visiting a marriage counselor or other therapist to help you work on your problems more effectively.

No matter which way you choose, remember that dealing with the threat of divorce can be extremely difficult, no matter the circumstances.

If it happens, this is the sign that indicates that your marriage is indeed at risk, either in the short or long term, and should not be ignored.

Why Do People Threaten Divorce?

It is impossible to know what your spouse really means when he or she threatens divorce. It is impossible simply because everyone is different, and you can’t read their minds.

Everyone has their own expectations, and their own way of thinking, and you may never truly understand why they do what they do.

However, there are a few common reasons people might use the threat of divorce in arguments. By threatening a divorce, your spouse might be attempting to do one of the following things:

Gain Leverage

The threat of divorce can be extremely frightening, and be sure that your spouse knows it if he or she is doing it constantly when you argue. If your spouse is threatening divorce, they might be trying to manipulate you and make you do what they want or attempting to get the upper hand.

Why Do People Threaten Divorce,
TatyanaGl via VistsCreate

Win an Argument

Simply put, your spouse might threaten to divorce you in the middle of an argument just to win the fight! Yes, this is a “dirty game” and it is a very unfair and humiliating method, but this is how it is. For example, you might be arguing about household chores and your spouse might bring up divorce…

When your spouse uses this threat without much ground, be sure that they are just bluffing to win the argument.

Mask Their Fear

Divorce might be something your spouse fears (and it is most likely so!), this is why they may try to threaten you with a divorce before you can do the same to them. As an option, they can do that to confirm their fears by seeing how you respond. Of course, this tactic certainly isn’t healthy, but the thing is that it might make sense to them at the time.

They Are Protecting Themselves From Being Hurt

Your spouse might use the threat of divorce in order to intentionally hurt you during the fight. But they do so just as a defense mechanism when they are feeling hurt.

Perhaps the subject of the argument has triggered an emotional response in them, and as a result, they ended up feeling angry, hurt, and confused.

This is why in response, your spouse might try to do something they know for sure will hurt you back. For example, threaten to file for divorce!

They Are Showing Their True Feelings

When the word “divorce” is said by either spouse in a marriage, it is very possible that it’s something they’ve been thinking about.

And perhaps, if this problem pops up regularly every time you both fight, there is something under the surface that both of you can’t or don’t want to notice.

Well, quite many things can make people threaten their partner to divorce as you can see!

This is why it is essential to notice this problem as soon as possible and take steps toward solving it. Otherwise, threats may turn into quite real actions.

They Are Showing Their True Feelings
HayDmitriy via VistaCreate

Frequently Asked Questions

⭐What to do when my husband threatens me with divorce?

Try to talk to him calmly. Explain how you feel when he is saying so and ask why he is doing that.

⭐What could be the problem if my partner threatens to leave when we argue?

There are either problems in your elationship that emain unsolved, or your partner is just manipulating you!

⭐Can I charge my spouse for threatening me with divorce?

Well, in fact you can’t. Of course it’s unpleasant to hear those threats, but you can try and talk to your spouse first. If no reaction follows, then you can consult a divorce ttorney!

Written by
Meredith will assist you with your health and family problems. She is a professional therapist who has huge experience in the field of family health care.
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How to Handle a Spouse's Threats!  Rebecca Zung, Esq.How to Handle a Spouse's Threats! Rebecca Zung, Esq.