Being married means not only romance. Building a strong relationship that will last for years implies hard work from both husband and wife. And of course, an ideal matrimony is about unity, sharing, and care for each other.
But it often happens today that one of the couple’s members suddenly realizes that he or she feels lonely and lost while still being married!
Sounds like nonsense, you might say?
Maybe, but this is how things are in real life. Quite many married couples complain that after a few years of marriage, they suddenly find themselves in a situation when they don’t understand each other and then, their relationship starts breaking.
So if you realize that you start feeling hopeless and alone in your matrimony, you must act quickly if you want to save your couple! And in this article, we will give you a few hints on what you should do to fix your couple’s relationship in case they start rolling down.
What to Do When You Feel Hopeless Being Married?
Quite many married couples know how it happens: you live with your spouse for a few years happily, but then something starts going wrong. Day after day, you kind of develop that unseen distance from each other slowly, sometimes even without noticing it at first.
And one day you realize that you don’t want to go home after work, especially if you know that your husband or your wife is there.
Of course, such an emotional state (and the situation in general) may bring you down pretty much!
You feel frustrated and abandoned not knowing how it happened and what you should do now. You feel lost and all alone, and if your spouse does not show any will to help you with solving this issue, you might be wondering how to save your marriage when your marriage seems hopeless.
Of course, it is way more difficult to try and save a marriage alone, if your partner is not going to take any steps towards you in finding a solution. But still, it is possible to save the situation if you just give it a try!
See, according to a family system theory, even if only one part of the system (and you and your spouse both create that system) changes his or her behavior, the whole system will have to adjust.
As a model for how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless and alone, the application is much more positive.
Even if only one of you wants to save your marriage and is willing to make necessary changes, the marriage can be saved! Below, you can check out a few handy tips on how it can be done.
Remember Why You Want to Save It
Feeling lost in your own marriage is a frustrating and emotionally devastating experience. However, if you are going to try and save your matrimony, you need to constantly keep in mind why you want to do this.
Have you really thought about the reasons, or have you just grounded your decision on the assumption that staying married is your only option?
Are you guided by a sense of obligation, guilt, or shame?
Or are you motivated by the possibility of taking your marriage to a better future for both you and your spouse? Be specific as you explore your reasons, as your reasons will be your anchor as you make changes in your marriage.
Be Deeply Empathic For Your Spouse
It might surprise you, but many of us live being married and having a very brief understanding of our spouse’s personality. No wonder that one day you realize that you don’t understand this person at all!
So if you are trying to figure out how to fix your marriage alone, what we suggest is that you get to know your spouse in detail! Pay attention to what irritates, stresses, and scares him or her.
Learn those little indulgences that light up your spouse’s face and infuse delight back into his or her life.
When you are able to understand what is going on in another person’s soul and thoughts, it is easier to put yourself in his or her place and understand why your husband (or wife) behaves and reacts in a certain way.
Be Compassionate
Finding yourself in a hopeless relationship may draw you back a bit (or a lot!), but it does not mean that you must give up!
If you and your spouse used to disagree a lot before, try to show more compassion.
It doesn’t mean that you have to always agree to what he or she says! It means that in any situation, you can choose to be kind, sensitive, caring, understanding, and appreciative.
Listen With the Intention to Learn!
We often hear what other people tell us, but do we listen to them all the time! Active listening takes a lot of energy, effort, and positive intention.
It has nothing to do with tapping your foot while you wait for your turn to speak! On the contrary, it is about paying attention to all available information both obvious and not so obvious.
Pay attention to your spouse’s body language, as well as to your own while you two are talking. Listen for opportunities to express understanding.
And watch for opportunities to extend comfort and validation. Nothing is more powerful in communication than making someone else feel heard truly and deeply!
Make a Step Away From the Problems
Trying to revive your marriage is hard, especially if you are doing it on your own. However, when you feel hopeless and alone, you’re putting yourself at a great risk!
You can suddenly end up in a constant whirlpool of feeling nothing but hopeless and alone. In this state of mind and emotions, you see only the problems in your marriage, and it fuels the negative emotions, which fuel the focus on the problems… And it can go on and on endlessly!
So in order to avoid being stuck and sucked into this desperate tornado, force yourself to step outside your normal focus and see with a fresh perspective.
Where you would regularly look for and see your spouse’s faults and the ways in which you feel disappointed by him or her, look for even one positive quality!
Focus on it. Remember how it captivated you when you were first dating. And remain in that energy until it’s time to choose another positive focus. Like this, little by little, just as you drift into seeing only the negative in your marriage, you will drift back into seeing only the positive.
Remember to Put Your Marriage First!
Hopelessness usually develops like a slow erosion or a corrosion that appears and then spreads on metal. With time, many couples tend to forget that marriage is hard work in fact!
So what you should do is to commit to having each other’s back at all times. Provide a safe place for both of you to be vulnerable and transparent.
It will help to create stronger bonds between you or strengthen the existing ones. And also, you will feel safer and more confident in your spouse as well.
Realize What Exactly Is Not Working In Your Couple
To be able to fix something, we must first figure out what exactly fails to work properly. With relationships, it is all the same. Do you even know what is not functioning as it should be?
See, sometimes we overreact to a situation, especially if it is stressful, and things tend to slip from our hand.
Whilst you are trying to save your marriage so badly, you must first of all try to understand and then pinpoint what is not working in your relationship.
Only if you are able to locate the exact reason or cause that’s causing hurdles, you’ll be able to tackle it in a much better way.
Take Some Time Out For Yourself
Saving marriage is not an easy thing to do, especially if it’s only you who is trying to keep the ship afloat. And since the situation itself is stressful and exhausting emotionally, you must always remember about yourself!
If you are to save your marriage when you feel hopeless about it, try taking some time off from the routine.
Meet friends, go out in an activity that you love the most, even go for a trip to the place you have always wanted to visit!
Like this, you will clear your mind and you will be able to see things from a distance. And perhaps, it will help you to realize that in fact, there is no problem in your marriage, there are just a few things that should be improved, and that’s it!
Relive the Dating Time!
When people get married, they suddenly find themselves being surrounded by dozens of responsibilities and obligations!
And sooner or later, many married men and women confess that they start losing that feeling of lightness and care-free mood that they had when their relationship was at the very beginning.
But here is the answer for you!
To revive your marriage, try to bring back that romantic vibe!
Go on a date with your spouse, make a pleasant gift for him or her. It will not only break the routine, but it will also help you both remember the “golden era” of your love!
Never Give Up!
No matter how hard it is for you to save your marriage, and no matter how bad things are, you should always hold on until the very end! One of the most vital things, when you want to save your marriage when you feel hopeless, is to keep moving, no matter what.
Things might not seem right and you might find yourself stuck in between a lot of things, but you don’t have to give up so soon.
Nothing seems easy and great. You have to keep moving if you really want to save your marriage from the worst.
Well, these were the tips we wanted to share with you on the subject matter.
With their help, you will be able to hold on and do your best to save your matrimony. But the best remedy in this case is to prevent the issue instead of trying to fix it! So let’s see what can lead to you or your spouse (or both) feeling lost and hopeless in your marriage.
Find Time For Each Other
If both of you are very busy at work and you and your spouse see each other only in the evening before going to bed, it’s hard to build strong bonds and communicate properly. No wonder such a busy lifestyle often leads to misunderstandings and fights – both of you simply don’t spend enough quality time together!
Try to spend more time instead. You can schedule your daily plans to have at least an hour to spend it with each other.
You can spend it outdoors, at home, or in your favorite restaurant/cafe. Anywhere!
What matters is how you spend it. It’s not about spending this time in a cinema or watching a movie. It’s about talking, sharing ideas and thoughts, and sharing your feelings! Such dates will help you rebuild your communication.
Be Honest With Your Partner
Being honest means not only telling the truth about your deeds or your past. It’s also about being honest about what you feel right now. In other words, teach yourself to speak to your spouse and explain with words how his/her actions or words affect you and what you feel at that very moment.
Do it with no anger but with patience. When your husband/wife can see you are honestly expressing your thoughts and feelings, they will realize you are sincere and open with them.
Be Prepared to Compromise
Be ready that you will have to compromise sometimes. You and your spouse are two grown-up people. Each of you has specific points of view, opinions, beliefs, and likes/dislikes. You will have to take that into account if you want to build healthy communication with your partner.
Take On New Challenges Together
Sometimes, your spouse may experience hard times either at work or emotionally. In such cases, it is very important not to abandon him/her! Instead, try to offer your help and support (but only if you really feel you have enough energy and sources to help and support!).
It is very valuable for any person to realize that their loved ones are ready to cover their backs during hard times.
Work On Your Relationship Every Day
Finally, remember that it’s impossible to improve your family relationship with just a single click of your fingers! Such work requires weeks, and sometimes months of dedicated work and patience from both of you!
Things That Can Make You Feel Hopeless In Marriage
Couples are different and there are no two absolutely the same ones. However, the problems that married couples face are often pretty much alike. And since it looks like a certain type of tendency, we find it useful to check out what can cause an unhappy marriage.
Like this, you will better understand whether any of these are on your “trouble list” too, and if they are, what you should work on in this case.
- Physical and/or emotional abuse
- Money
- Poor communication
- Jealousy
- Infidelity
- Fighting
- Intimacy
- Lack of the commitment
Let’s agree that there is no need for an explanation why abuse may ruin your marriage! But what about the rest? Well, money also often becomes an issue!
The situations may be different, e.g. you earn more than your spouse does and it irritates him or her or makes your partner feel “worse” than you.
Or your spouse can spend money that you bring into the family recklessly! Jealousy often goes along with fighting. And the common reason for both is the lack of communication.
So the best thing that can be done is to adhere to your spouse in any situation. Do not blame or shame him or her if your partner did anything wrong!
We are all humans and we make mistakes! It’s your responsibility to explain softly and delicately how that did make you feel so that the person would not do the same again.
Only with understanding and forgiveness (reasonable, of course), will you be able to build a strong and long-lasting marriage filled with love and respect.
Conclusion
We tried to share all the best we know on the subject today. Saving your marriage is a noble goal, and we know how hard it can be to believe in the best future for both of you, especially if it seems that everything is falling apart.
However, we believe that, with the help of the tips and recommendations you received today, you will manage to overcome this difficult period in your life.
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