How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are?

Many of us have been through this, and some even more than once: you split up with your boyfriend (or a girlfriend, if you are a guy), you start your life from the very beginning trying to get that person out of your mind, and then – all of a sudden! – he or she appears again with an innocent “How are you?” question! What the heck?!

We bet that most of you would feel over excited and even worried not knowing how to answer correctly and what to say to still sound with dignity. And we can perfectly understand what you are feeling at that very moment!

So in this article, we will tell you how to respond to such text messages that may arrive from your ex, and what to say when your ex asks how you are.

In addition, we will also explain why your ex partners might want or try to reconnect with you after quite a long breakup! And finally, as a bonus, you will learn how not to respond in order not to get down this endless rabbit hole.

What to Say When Your Ex Asks How You Are?

My ex texted me “how are you doing?”. What shall I text back if I shall at all? These questions are quite natural if your ex partner vanished long ago and how he suddenly appeared out of the blue with that message!

It does not matter whether your ex girlfriend or a boyfriend asks how you are, what matters is how you react to that message.

So the major thing that you must keep in your mind is that you should behave and carry yourself with dignity and self-respect. Even when answering your ex’s message, be classy!

This is why you should never reply with anger or reproach or insult your ex! Instead, check out what alternative answers exist – you will definitely find at least one that appeals to you more than others!

Send An Emotion

This is the easiest way how to respond to an ex. It can be an emoji, a GIF, or a meme – anything that shows you are doing well but you have nothing to say to your ex except for that.

As for what emotion exactly to send…You decide. At least, you realize better what you feel about that person.

Related: 22 Ideas How to Respond to What’s Good?

Is Anything Wrong?

If you have been dating for quite a long time, you could already meet your ex’s family members and friends. In this case, a message from him or her might mean that something happened to one of those whom you both know.

There could always be the circumstances where someone you both know is ill, has passed away or is in some kind of trouble.

It never hurts to find out the truth with a response like this from text messages from your ex.

Related: How to Respond When He Finally Texts You Back?

Block Your Ex

If you don’t want to hear back from him ever again, block his number. For now, it’s probably best to just get him off your phone altogether.

This way, getting another text won’t be an issue.

Just Say Nothing

Yep, that may sound rude, but if you both split up really badly, with arguments and fights, and then you suddenly receive that “How are you?” message from him after a long long time, you have the right to just ignore that dude.

Especially if you have no plans or intention to reunite with him one day.

Don’t say a word to him, do not send an emoji, and do not call him to catch up. You broke up for a reason.

There is no point in opening up old wounds by “catching up.” See, talking to an ex can bring up pain, prevent you from healing, make you relive mistakes, cause you to live in a fantasy that was never there, and prevent you from letting new energies in.

Do you really want to go through all that?

Hey There! I’m Going Great!

This is the right way to reply if you want to let your ex know that, in fact, he or she was the very last person on your mind to think about, but since he/she showed up, well, you will be so kind to answer!

Besides, the “hey there” part sells the casual elements of the message, leaving him to wonder if you are excited to hear him or if you just remembered who the heck he was!

I’m/I’ve [insert]. How About You?

This is a super polite and responsive text message to send to your ex as a reply to that “How are you?” stuff. Just write about something you are currently doing or you have recently done, and ask back about what he is doing or has just done.

If you need an exact example, this may sound like: “I’ve just been to that new Thai restaurant nearby. How about you?” or “Just pitched to a new client! How about you?”. See, what these texts show? Right, they show that you are being active and you are moving forward, yet your replies are still polite, but not too personal.

It also gives him something to reply back with if he chooses to continue the conversation. Lastly, you ask him how he’s doing. You reciprocate what he asked to show that you care and throw the conversation back to him. Now it’s up to him to respond.

These are obviously the optimal answers to your ex’s message asking how you are doing. They are both polite and responsive on the one hand, and a bit cold on the other so that your ex partner does not think that you are spending days and nights deep in sad thoughts about him or her.

How Not to Respond to Your Ex When He Or She Is Asking How You Are

Now that you are aware of the best ways of answering your ex’s sudden messages, it is time to learn how not to reply to an ex.

Yes, there are certain “forbidden phrases” that you should not make use of unless you want to show yourself as a vulnerable, hurt, and suffering person.

So here is the wrong approach that you need to avoid by all means when answering your ex in text messages.

• First of all, don’t react to his message with any negativity. If anger, hate, or jealousy gets into your emotions when you see a message from your ex partner, you need to take some time to calm down.
• Another huge mistake is to overthink that message. Don’t try to read into it too much! It’s just a polite “how are you” from someone you know from the past. That’s how you should see it: it’s a welcome message from an old friend.
• If your reply is along the lines of “what do you want” or “go to hell,” then you’re not in the right mindset for anything as well.

If you use any of such messages to reply to your ex, you will first of all show yourself to be still hurt and vulnerable. And second, answering like that is simply impolite and even humiliating for yourself because the tone of the message shows you are still thinking about him (or her) and you have not gotten over it.

What Makes Your Ex Message You With “How Are You?” After Being Out Of Reach?

All right, you may say, you told me what to reply and what not to reply. But why did my ex text me asking how I am? What is the point of this message? We haven’t been in touch for weeks (or months, depending on your particular situation). Why would he or she want to show up again?

That’s a good question, in fact. The worst possible scenario is that your ex is a manipulator and he or she wants to keep you hooked up emotionally to be able to “feed” on your attention and energy.

Such people tend to vanish regularly and then appear all of a sudden like nothing happened – often with a message like “How are you?”.

But if you are absolutely sure that this is not your case, consider thinking about a few other options why your ex could appear in your life again:

• The person simply wants to know what emotional state you are in and what you think of him or her.
• Your ex might think it is just polite to start a conversation with “how are you” and then proceed to the things he or she is really concerned or interested about.
• The “how are you” might be merely a mean of getting on your good side before your ex starts talking about more important matters. Important to him or her, of course.
• Your ex might get curious about you! He or she saw that you’re focusing on yourself and wanted to say hello to you to find out more about your new life.
• It is also possible that your ex could have a hidden agenda or your ex could genuinely be concerned about you. You’ll see what your ex’s objective is when you see what he or she does after the “how are you.”

Let’s dive in, explore, and find the perfect response for that confusing text message from your ex!

1. For the Friendly Responders

You want to be friendly but not too friendly. It’s a tricky balance, but it can be achieved. Keeping a cordial relationship with an ex is not uncommon, especially if you share mutual friends or interests. Here are some balanced responses.

• The Casual Hello: “I’m doing well, hope you are too!”
• The Interested Inquiry: “Things are good; working on some projects. How about you?”
• The Neutral Reply: “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

Comparison Table for the Friendly Responders

2: For the Sassy and Sarcastic

Sometimes, a bit of sass or sarcasm can add humor to the situation or show that you’re unaffected. If you add a little spice to your reply, here are some witty and clever options.

• The Snappy Comeback: “Better than ever!”
• The Playful Tease: “Surviving without you, as you can see.”
• The Cryptic Answer: “You should see me now.”

According to a study on communication and relationships, humor can sometimes ease tension and provide a fresh perspective.

3 For the Reflective and Thoughtful

Breakups lead to personal growth and self-reflection. If you feel like being more thoughtful in your response, here are a few ideas that display maturity and insight.

• The Honest Share: “I’ve had some ups and downs but growing from them.”
• The Philosophical Thought: “Life is a constant learning process, and I’m embracing it.”
• The Open Invitation: “I’m doing well, I would love to catch up sometime if you’re open to it.”

A research article on human connection illustrates how an open and honest communication style fosters better understanding.

Comparison Table for the Reflective and Thoughtful

4 For the Short and Sweet

Sometimes, less is more. You might not want to invest a lot of time or emotion into the conversation. Here are some responses that are simple yet effective.

• The Brief Check-In: “I’m good. You?”
• The Quick Update: “All’s well here.”
• The Polite Dismissal: “Doing fine, thanks!”

Research shows that short and succinct communication can convey confidence and maintain a sense of control in a conversation.

Comparison Table for the Short and Sweet

5 For the Healing Heart

Healing from a breakup takes time, and it’s okay to express how you truly feel. Here are responses that mirror the journey of healing.

• The Vulnerable Truth: “I’m getting better day by day.”
• The Optimistic Outlook: “Challenging times, but I see a bright future ahead.”
• The Grateful Reflection: “I’ve grown a lot and feel grateful for where I am now.”

Studies on emotional healing emphasize the importance of honest expression.

Comparison Table for the Healing Heart

6 For Those Who’d Rather Not Respond

And finally, there’s the option of not responding at all. It’s a choice, and sometimes, it’s the best one. Here’s how you might approach it.

• The Silent Treatment: Simply don’t reply.
• The Direct Approach: “I’d rather not talk about it.”
• The Complete Block: Blocking them if you need to.

Research indicates that setting boundaries in communication can be healthy for maintaining personal well-being.

Comparison Table for Those Who’d Rather Not Respond

7 For the Creatively Inclined

Creativity can add flair to your responses, making them unique and memorable. Here are some innovative ways to reply to your ex.

• The Poetic Touch: “In life’s vast ocean, I’m riding the waves.”
• The Quirky Metaphor: “I’m like a cat with nine lives, always landing on my feet.”
• The Artistic Imagery: “Painting new landscapes in my life, one day at a time.”

Studies in linguistic creativity have shown that imaginative language can foster more engaging conversations.

Comparison Table for the Creatively Inclined

8: For the Ambiguously Ambivalent

If you’re feeling uncertain or ambivalent about how to respond, these options offer a way to convey those mixed emotions.

• The Ambiguous Affirmation: “I’m getting by, I guess.”
• The Non-committal Nod: “Life goes on, right?”
• The Pondering Pause: “Hmm, how am I? That’s a good question.”

A recent psychological study highlights the complexity of ambivalence in communication.

Comparison Table for the Ambiguously Ambivalent

9 For the Relationship Nostalgists

Sometimes we look back on a relationship with a sense of nostalgia. If you’re in a reflective mood, these responses might resonate with you.

• The Fond Memory: “I’m doing well, remembering the good times.”
• The Wistful Wish: “Life has changed, but I hope you’re finding joy.”
• The Gentle Goodbye: “I’m moving forward but wish you all the best.”

Nostalgia and its effects on relationships have been well-documented in psychological research.

Comparison Table for the Relationship Nostalgists

10 For the Career-Oriented Individuals

When professional growth is at the forefront of your mind, you may want to steer the conversation towards your career achievements. Here’s how:

• The Professional Update: “Climbing the corporate ladder, one rung at a time!”
• The Ambitious Aspiration: “Working on my dreams, never felt more focused.”
• The Casual Career Mention: “Busy with work, but it’s all good!”

A study on professional identity supports the idea that career focus can define interpersonal communication.

Comparison Table for the Career-Oriented Individuals

11 For the Globetrotters and Adventurers

If you are channeling your post-breakup energy into travel and adventure, these responses could be your perfect match:

• The Wanderlust Whisper: “Exploring new horizons, one destination at a time.”
• The Adventurous Update: “Finding myself on trails less traveled.”
• The Traveler’s Triumph: “Lost and found, all at once, in beautiful places.”

Research on travel’s impact on well-being shows that it can be a positive way to cope and grow.

Comparison Table for the Globetrotters and Adventurers

12 For the Academics and Lifelong Learners

Education and personal development might be your calling. If you are on a path of learning, these responses can convey your scholarly pursuits:

• The Scholar’s Share: “Diving into books and coming up with new ideas.”
• The Learning Lover: “Every day’s a school day, and I’m loving it!”
• The Intellectual Inquiry: “Thinking about big questions, care to join?”

This academic paper highlights the importance of continuous learning in personal development.

Comparison Table for the Academics and Lifelong Learners

13 For the Fitness Enthusiasts

If fitness has become a core part of your life, these responses will echo your commitment to health and well-being.

• The Workout Warrior: “Sweating it out and feeling strong!”
• The Healthy Habit: “Nourishing my body and mind, one meal at a time.”
• The Fitness Flourish: “Running towards my best self!”

A study on the relationship between fitness and mental health confirms the positive impact of an active lifestyle.

Comparison Table for the Fitness Enthusiasts

14 For the Social Butterflies

If your social life is buzzing, and you’re enjoying the company of friends and family, these responses will reflect your vibrant social connections.

• The Friendly Fête: “Surrounded by friends and loving it!”
• The Family Focus: “Spending quality time with family, feeling blessed.”
• The Social Spark: “Meeting new people and making memories.”

Research on social connections and happiness underscores the importance of interpersonal relationships.

Comparison Table for the Social Butterflies

15 For the Mindfulness Masters

Mindfulness and personal growth may be your guiding principles. These thoughtful responses will resonate with your reflective nature.

• The Mindful Muse: “Living in the present and finding peace.”
• The Growth Gardener: “Cultivating my inner garden, one thought at a time.”
• The Spiritual Seeker: “On a journey within, discovering new horizons.”

A comprehensive review on mindfulness practices illustrates their positive influence on well-being.

Comparison Table for the Mindfulness Masters

16 For the Entrepreneurs and Innovators

If you’re an entrepreneur or someone who thrives on innovation, these responses will reflect your visionary approach to life.

• The Business Builder: “Creating, innovating, and loving the hustle.”
• The Startup Star: “Living my startup dream, one breakthrough at a time.”
• The Inventive Individual: “Cooking up new ideas and watching them grow.”

An analysis of entrepreneurship and innovation emphasizes the drive and excitement of this path.

Comparison Table for the Entrepreneurs and Innovators

17 For the Lovers of Laughter

Humor can be a wonderful way to approach life, and these responses will add a sprinkle of laughter to your conversation.

• The Joyful Jester: “Living the dream, one laugh at a time!”
• The Witty Wizard: “Juggling life’s lemons, making lemonade.”
• The Playful Punster: “I’m extraordinary, thanks for asking!”

Studies on the benefits of humor show that laughter can enhance relationships and well-being.

Comparison Table for the Lovers of Laughter

18 For Those Embracing Solitude

Embracing solitude can be a meaningful journey. These responses reflect a contentment with being alone and self-reliant.

• The Solitary Sojourn: “Finding peace in solitude and loving it.”
• The Independent Individual: “Enjoying my own company and growing every day.”
• The Lone Trailblazer: “Walking my path alone, and it’s just what I need.”

Solitude and its effect on personal growth can be a profound experience, offering self-reflection and insight.

Comparison Table for Those Embracing Solitude

19 For the Creative Souls

Creativity can be an expressive way to communicate your feelings. If you’re a writer, painter, musician, or any form of artist, these answers might resonate with you.

• The Artistic Affirmation: “Painting my world with vibrant colors!”
• The Musical Muse: “Composing life’s symphony, one note at a time.”
• The Writer’s Reverie: “Writing my story, with twists and turns.”

Creative expression and mental health have a deeply interwoven connection, often leading to enhanced well-being.

Comparison Table for the Creative Souls

20 For the Environmental Enthusiasts

If you’re passionate about the environment and sustainability, these responses can reflect your commitment to Mother Earth.

• The Eco Advocate: “Planting seeds for a greener tomorrow.”
• The Sustainable Spirit: “Living lightly, loving the Earth.”
• The Nature Nurturer: “Embracing nature’s wisdom, one leaf at a time.”

Research on environmentalism and personal identity can help understand the profound connection some people feel towards the environment.

Comparison Table for the Environmental Enthusiasts

21 For the Newly In Love

If you’ve found new love and you’re eager to share that joy, these responses are filled with the excitement and happiness of a fresh start.

• The Love-struck Luminary: “Dancing to the rhythm of a new love song.”
• The Romantic Reveler: “Exploring new chapters, hand in hand.”
• The Heartfelt Harmony: “In sync with someone special, feeling great!”

A study about falling in love sheds light on the psychological processes that make it such an intense and joyful experience.

Comparison Table for the Newly In Love

22 The Empowered Responses

Empowerment is about owning your space, knowing your worth, and responding with confidence. If you’re feeling strong and self-assured, these responses might resonate with you.

• The Confident Classic: “Better than ever, thanks for asking!”
• The Growth Guru: “Thriving and growing, every single day.”

Comparison Table for the Empowered Responses

23 The Casual, Carefree Replies

If you’re looking to keep things light and casual, you don’t have to delve into deep emotions. Sometimes, a breezy response is all you need.

• The Chill Charmer: “Doing well, hope you are too!”
• The Easy-going Echo: “I’m good, how about you?”

Comparison Table for the Casual, Carefree Replies

24 The Playfully Witty Retorts

Sometimes, a bit of playful wit can diffuse any tension and add humor to the conversation. If you’re in a cheeky mood, these responses might fit the bill.
The Sassy Star: “Living the dream, want to join?”

Comparison Table for the Playfully Witty Retorts

25 The Heartfelt Responses

If the relationship ended on good terms or you want to convey genuine emotion, these heartfelt responses might be the way to go.

• The Honest Heart: “I have my ups and downs, but I’m okay.”
• The Sincere Spirit: “I appreciate you asking, I’m doing well.”

Comparison Table for the Heartfelt Responses

26 The Polite and Positive Responses

Keeping things cordial and positive is a skill, especially when dealing with an ex. Here are a few responses that reflect grace, maturity, and a positive outlook.

• The Gracious Greeting: “Doing well, thank you for asking!”
• The Positive Politeness: “Life’s good, hope all’s well with you too.”

Comparison Table for the Polite and Positive Responses

27 The Fun Comebacks

A little light-heartedness can go a long way. If you’re in the mood to keep things breezy, these comebacks may just tickle your fancy.

• The Casual Catch-Up: “Hey there! Doing fine, what’s new with you?”
• The Humorous Heyday: “Surviving adulthood, one coffee at a time!”

Comparison Table for the Fun and Casual Comebacks

28 The Reflective Musings

If the past relationship led to personal growth or self-discovery, your reply might take a more reflective tone. These responses convey wisdom, learning, and mindfulness.

• The Thoughtful Thinker: “Embracing life’s lessons, feeling grateful.”
• The Mindful Maven: “Focusing on the present, and it feels good.”

Comparison Table for the Reflective and Mindful Musings

29 The Witty Zingers

For those who like to infuse their conversations with wit and a pinch of sarcasm, these zingers will do the trick.

• The Witty One-Liner: “Thriving, but who’s asking?”
• The Sarcastic Snark: “Oh, living the dream, you know!”

Comparison Table for the Witty and Sarcastic Zingers

30 The Honest Expressions

Honesty can be the best policy, even with an ex. If you want to respond authentically, these replies will reflect your true feelings.

• The Open Book: “It’s been a tough time, but I’m getting through.”
• The Heartfelt Honesty: “I’m good, appreciate the concern.”

Comparison Table for the Open and Honest Expressions

31 The Direct Statements

If you’re not interested in engaging in a long conversation or rehashing the past, these responses are direct, decisive, and to the point.

• The Clear Cut: “I’m fine, thank you.”
• The Firm Farewell: “I’m doing well. Take care.”

Comparison Table for the Direct and Decisive Statements

32 Reserved Responses

Some of us prefer to maintain a composed exterior, especially when dealing with an ex-partner. These responses reflect dignity and self-control without escalating tensions.

• Simply Polite: “I’m fine, thank you.”
• The Professional: “Doing well. Hope you’re the same.”
• The Vague Yet Classy: “I’ve been keeping busy.”

33 Careless Responses

Sometimes, the best way to move forward is by making light of the situation. These responses help you maintain a breezy attitude.

•  The Casual Drifter

“I’m doing great! How about those local sports teams?”

• The Social Media Pro

“Didn’t you see my latest Instagram post? Living the life!”

• The Jester

“I was just thinking of investing in a pet llama. You?”

34 Smart Responses

Want to show that you’ve grown and that the past is indeed the past? These clever, thoughtful responses might be your style.

• The Wise Sage

“Life’s been a learning curve, but I’m embracing it.”

• The Philosopher

“I’m on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.”

• The Diplomat

“I appreciate your concern. Let’s keep things cordial.”

35 Intriguing Responses

Ah, mystery! Sometimes, leaving a bit to the imagination can be both fun and effective. Here’s how:

• The Enigmatic Poet

“Riding the waves of life. How about you?”

• The Adventurer

“Exploring new horizons. It’s a wild ride!”

• The Teaser

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Comparison Tables

Life’s journey is filled with complex emotions, especially when it involves navigating past relationships. “How are you?” might seem like a simple question, but as we’ve discovered, it’s anything but that.

This guide offers 35 diverse and intriguing ways to respond to your ex, catering to a wide range of emotions, situations, and personalities. Whether you want to be creative, reflective, humorous, or serious, there’s an option here for you.

Conclusion

Navigating the murky waters of post-breakup communication can be perplexing. But with this diverse and lively guide, you now have 35 fascinating responses at your disposal. No matter how you feel or what you wish to convey, there’s a perfect reply for you.

Remember, communication isn’t just about words. It’s about what’s left unsaid, the emotions behind the phrases, and the connections that can still exist between two people. It’s complex and beautiful, frustrating, and enlightening.

So, embrace the challenge, find your voice, and turn a simple “How are you?” into an opportunity for growth, humor, reflection, or even closure. The conversation is yours to create!

The best thing you can do in this situation is that you wait a bit and see what your ex will talk about after that greeting phrase. Like that, you will get a clearer understanding of what made this person to show up after a long time absence.

Well, now you know in detail how to reply to a greeting message from your ex correctly and politely even if your heart wounds have not healed yet.

With that in mind you will be able to lead the conversation and not let your ex manipulate you if that’s what made him reappear in your life again.

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