Are You Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You? Learn What to Do

It’s unpleasant to be hurt by the closest one, but this article will help you cope with that

Written by Meredith Hayes. Updated on Are You Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You Learn What to Do

When someone you love hurts you deeply, it’s easy to get disappointed in this person. However, if you just step aside and immerse in your sadness, it will not help you recover and improve your relationship! So we suggest you read on to find out how you could make things better if the one you loves hurts you.

In this article, we will explain why people whom we love may hurt us and what we can do in order to get over this and live on.

You will learn how not to ruin your relationship and how to understand your partner better. Also, we will explain what you should concentrate on if your loved one hurts you again and again.

What to Do When the One You Love Hurts You?

When a person you love with all your heart hurts you repeatedly without even noticing it, it is easy to become deeply disappointed in this person. Depending on the relationship you have, you may react differently. 

Some people try not to notice the situation and behave as if nothing happened (which is wrong!). Others confront their partners instantly, trying to figure things out. Some people can even kick back to show their partners how much hurt they caused.

7 Reasons We Hurt the Ones We Love7 Reasons We Hurt the Ones We Love

But the first thing you should do is make sure you take care of yourself! Also, knowing how to let go when someone hurts you is essential.

Below, you can find several useful recommendations and tips that will help you get over this and take a break to be able to think the situation over and decide what to do next.

What to Do When the One You Love Hurts You
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Focus On Yourself And Take Care Of Your Emotional State

When someone hurts you and doesn’t seem to care, you get filled up with all those negative emotions – sadness, sorrow, anger. It’s quite an explosive “cocktail”! Mostly, you feel anger and resentment toward the person who hurt you, but at the same time, you realize that it happened because you let them do that to you. At the same time, you become angry at yourself for letting other people cause you so much emotional pain.

However, at this point, you must remember that hating the person who hurt you won’t do any good for your mental or emotional health! By allowing those bad emotions to linger, you will only make yourself suffer even more.

Instead, you should do your best and try to let it heal. Give yourself time and just relax and heal. When you let positivity and love into your life, the hurtful emotions will go away sooner or later.

The goal is to learn to love and appreciate yourself and your feelings more. The importance of your emotional condition must prevail during this time. You might even want to take several sessions with a psychologist to cope with the problem.

Pay Attention to the Feelings of the Other Party

When we get hurt, it seems to us that we are the only ones who suffer. In this state of mind, we feel defensive toward those people and tend to neglect their state. But chances are that the one who hurt you is suffering as well.

This is why it is essential to be aware of this nuance. If one of you doesn’t see that he or she was wrong, chances for fixing things up are tiny. The person believes that nothing was done wrong; consequently, the two of you may never heal and reunite!

This is why you should try to find common ground to bring back the relationship you once had. However, be careful! If the other party doesn’t want to see their guilt, there is nothing you can do here. You should never settle for someone who is not ready to accept their wrongs!

Pay Attention to the Feelings of the Other Party
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Make One Step at a Time

When someone you love hurts you, remember not to rush! After your initial reaction is over and you calm down, you have to give yourself a chance to evaluate what happened. Give yourself time to find the cause of the situation.

Remember that it is important to always take a pause before doing anything or responding to the other person! If you rush, chances are that you might say something that you’ll regret later on.

Instead, when you regain control of the situation, you might have a new and fresh perspective. Sometimes, it helps you see things from another angle. So stop for a second, and when you calm down and see things for what they are, respond. Like this, you can share your feelings with the other person.

Try to Be Open-Minded

Once again, when the one you loves hurts you, it’s essential to stop and evaluate the situation. Did your partner do it intentionally or unintentionally? Was it just a misunderstanding, or did the other person really want to hurt you for a purpose?

Although you should think about it logically, sometimes it is better to listen to your gut. But beware – you must see and feel the difference between an old feeling and a new one! If you are feeling anger right now, it is most likely caused by previous unpleasant experiences.

In this case, it’s best to take a break and step aside. Don’t react instinctively. Instead, choose to respond intentionally.

Try to Be Open Minded
VitalikRadko via VistaCreate

Talk to Other People

When someone you love hurts you, your first reaction is to respond defensively and attack. But it would be much better if you took a break and tried to talk to other people about it. It will help you see the situation from another perspective.

Simply chat with someone else outside of that social circle. It should not be your close friend who knows both you and your partner. Also, it should not be the relative of one of you. See, talking with a mutual friend or a relative about the problem will create unnecessary triangles that can cause more damage!

Now you know what to do if someone you love hurts you. With these simple tips, you will be able to distract a bit and calm down. As a result, you will be able to take a clear look at the problem and decide what to do next.

Talk to Other People
AlexLipa via VistaCreate

Why Do People You Love Hurt You?

When you get hurt by someone you love, it’s way worse than experiencing the same situation with a random person. There are various reasons for your loved ones hurting you. Below you can get into some of them now.

Why Do People You Love Hurt You
VitalikRadko via VistaCreate

They May Not Be Aware They Hurt You!

Sometimes the people you love hurt you unintentionally. They often don’t even guess that they caused you pain! This mostly happens because people tend to forget that, as individuals, they differ from each other.

As such, some of us are more sensitive, whilst others are less. So whilst you might think that your partner’s actions hurt you, he or she might not even be aware. For the second party, the situation might be completely acceptable, and the behavior was normal.

Besides, people often have a distinct set of rules they consider appropriate, and they don’t worry about how others feel afterward. For example, your partner may not think that answering your calls immediately is important, but for you, it might seem like he doesn’t care.

Of course, this could also be a reason. But more often than not, the person has no intention of hurting you at all.

Misunderstanding Could Be the Problem

If someone you love hurts you, it often happens due to their misreading your facial expression. Besides, the person may not know how to respond when you confront them. This often results in quarrels and fights, with one of you blaming the other for carelessness and ignorance.

But try to see how your partner sees the situation. Maybe he behaves like this because he is afraid that he can disappoint (or has already disappointed) you. So he decides to shut down to protect himself. Besides, he might not know how to respond properly just because he hasn’t learned it yet. It’s not always because he doesn’t care.

People are complex creatures, and our behavior and reactions depend on so many things! Quite often, we do or say things out of our hurt feelings or previous painful experience.

If this happens, we don’t even see the current situation as it is. Instead, we still evaluate it based on how we felt back then. This is why it is essential to calm down and consider all possible reasons for your partner’s behavior.

Misunderstanding Could Be the Problem
IgorVetushko via VistaCreate

How to Maintain Your Relationship When He Hurts You?

This is the most difficult part for a couple since it’s not easy to keep up when your loved one hurts you, especially if it happens again and again. The best thing to do in this case is to get help from a qualified psychologist. But you can also use a few tips to maintain your relationship.

How to Maintain Your Relationship When He Hurts You
VitalikRadko via VistaCreate

Be Patient. Don’t Push Yourself Or Your Partner

Sometimes, your partner may realize the hurt he did to you and try to change over time. It may take some time for him to realize it; besides, changing his way of actions and thoughts is also not easy. It’s also important to remember that you have to allow not only time for your partner to change but time for yourself time to heal.

Also, you should help your partner realize he needs to prove to you that he has changed. He should be aware of his past attitude toward you and have the will to change. If he proves that he has changed, you will be able to see that he will not act that way anymore.

Assess Your Boundaries

Assessing your boundaries is the first step on the way to forgiving someone for a mistake or series of mistakes he or she made. To do this, follow a few simple tips. Ask yourself:

  • Does anything have to change to make you feel happy and safe again in the relationship?
  • Do you need to spend some time apart from each other to recover?
  • Are certain topics off the table?
  • Do you need to talk about how he behaves toward you when talking about a certain thing?

By figuring these things out, you will give yourself and your romantic partner time to heal. As a result, respect and trust will come back step by step.

So, now you know what to do if your romantic partner hurts you. Although it is an unpleasant situation, you should be ready for it and know how to act to not make things worse. Today, you learned why your partner might behave like that and act that way. And as you know now, it doesn’t always happen for a purpose.

9 Signs of Poor Boundaries9 Signs of Poor Boundaries

Also, we explained what you should take care of first of all when things like that happen to ensure you feel safe and stable. With the help of our tips, you will manage to cope with the situation and restore your relationship, even though this will require time.

Assess Your Boundaries
sabphoto via VistaCreate

Frequently Asked Questions

⭐Do romantic partners always hurt for a reason?

No, they don’t. Often, they don’t even realize they did or said something wrong!

⭐Does it make sense to shout at my partner if he’s behaving wrong with me?

Shouting and yelling won’t help. You need to learn to express your anger in a correct way through explaining your feelings/emotions to him.

⭐What if my partner hurts me again and again?

Maybe, he’s so ignorant that he simply doesn’t care! Think about whether you need this kind of man by your side.

Written by
Meredith will assist you with your health and family problems. She is a professional therapist who has huge experience in the field of family health care.
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