Why ‘The One’ Might Be a Myth

In a world dominated by notions of singular, soulmate-level love, prevailing wisdom often points us towards finding ‘the one’—that one person with whom we are meant to spend the rest of our lives.

Written by Kate Holmsy. Updated on Why ‘The One’ Might Be a Myth

In a world dominated by notions of singular, soulmate-level love, prevailing wisdom often points us towards finding ‘the one’—that one person with whom we are meant to spend the rest of our lives. This prevailing wisdom, fueled by cultural narratives, romantic comedies, and widespread myths, has shaped our perceptions and expectations of romantic relationships. But what if the concept of ‘the one’ is just that—a myth?

A fascinating examination into the realms of human connection, psychology, and societal expectations reveals that perhaps, our quest for ‘the one’ might be built on shaky grounds.

This article will delve deep into the roots of this societal construct, bringing forth insights from psychological studies, philosophical perspectives, and the realities of human interactions.

Let’s embark on a journey to unravel the layers of this complex concept, questioning our long-held beliefs and exploring the multi-faceted nature of human connections.

1. The Origin of ‘The One’

The notion of ‘the one’ has ancient roots, shaped by centuries of literature, philosophy, and societal norms. It is crucial to understand where these ideas originated to fully grasp their implications on our modern perspectives on love.

1. The Origin of ‘The One’
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Platonic Philosophy

In ancient Greece, Plato suggested the idea of soulmates, hinting at the existence of a perfect counterpart for every individual, based on the concept of androgynous beings split into two.

This notion has permeated throughout centuries, influencing literature and art

Literary Influence

Countless poems, novels, and plays have romanticized the idea of a singular, destined love, further ingraining this concept into our collective consciousness.From Shakespeare to modern novels, the portrayal of such destined connections shapes our expectations.

Religious Narratives

Various religious texts and doctrines emphasize the sanctity of marital union and propagate the idea of predestined companionship, impacting societal norms and individual aspirations.

 2. Psychological Perspectives on ‘The One’

Psychology plays a critical role in shaping our beliefs and behaviors regarding love and relationships. By exploring psychological theories and studies, we can gain a more nuanced understanding of the impacts of the ‘the one’ myth on our perceptions and decisions.Attachment Theory

This theory suggests that our attachment styles, developed during infancy, significantly impact our relationships. This implies that the compatibility of attachment styles may be more crucial than the notion of ‘the one’. Research

Relationship Satisfaction and Longevity

Studies indicate that relationship satisfaction and longevity are more closely related to compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect than to finding a predestined partner.

Psychological Perspectives VideoPsychological Perspectives Video


The Role of Choice

Psychological research reveals that the abundance of choice in partners may actually hinder our ability to make decisions, leading to dissatisfaction and the constant pursuit of something better.

3. The Realities of Human Interaction

Examining the realities of human interaction provides a practical lens through which we can view the concept of ‘the one’. It allows us to explore how real-life relationships align or contrast with our ingrained beliefs about love.

Variety of Connections

The diverse range of human interactions and relationships we experience emphasizes the fluidity of connections, suggesting that there may not be just one person who can fulfill all our needs and desires.

Changing Dynamics

The dynamic nature of human relationships implies that what we seek and need from relationships can change over time, emphasizing the importance of adaptability and growth within relationships.

Social and Cultural Influences

Our relationships are significantly influenced by our social environments and cultural backgrounds, which shape our preferences, expectations, and perceptions of love, potentially debunking the universality of ‘the one’.

3. The Realities of Human Interaction
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Where the Myth About the Perfect Soulmate Comes From?

The myth of “the one,” the notion that there is one perfect soulmate out there for each of us, has been deeply ingrained in the collective consciousness of societies around the world. This myth pervades literature, film, music, and various forms of art, coloring our perceptions and expectations of romantic relationships.

The Myth of the Missing HalfThe Myth of the Missing Half

But where does this concept originate, and how does it influence our approach to and understanding of relationships?

Origins of the Myth

The roots of the myth can be traced back to ancient civilizations and their philosophical, literary, and cultural representations of love. One of the earliest references comes from Plato’s “Symposium,” where Aristophanes speaks of humans as being originally androgynous, with two heads and eight limbs. The gods split them into two, and humans have been searching for their “lost halves” or soulmates ever since. This ancient story has left a lingering imprint on the human psyche, fueling the pursuit of the one perfect counterpart intended to complete us.

In addition to philosophical texts, religious narratives across cultures have also contributed to the construction of this myth. Many religions preach the sanctity of marriage and the divine orchestration of unions, reinforcing the idea of destined companionship.

The concept of “the one” has been further romanticized and perpetuated by centuries of literature and, more recently, by Hollywood and the media, framing it as the ultimate romantic goal and the epitome of true love.

Impact on Relationships

The belief in “the one” significantly shapes our attitudes and behaviors in relationships. First and foremost, it creates unrealistic expectations. The quest for the perfect partner who will fulfill all our needs and desires often leads to perpetual dissatisfaction, as no human being can live up to this idealized image. People might overlook or undervalue meaningful connections in pursuit of an elusive ideal, missing out on the potential for growth and fulfillment within imperfect, real-world relationships.

This myth also fosters a “fixed” mindset about relationships. People might believe that if they are with “the one,” the relationship will be smooth and conflict-free, requiring little effort or compromise. This can lead to a lack of resilience and commitment when challenges and disagreements inevitably arise.

The belief in destined, immutable love may hinder the development of essential relationship skills such as communication, conflict resolution, and mutual understanding, undermining the foundations of healthy, lasting partnerships.

Furthermore, the pressure to find “the one” can result in a constant state of anxiety and uncertainty. The fear of making the wrong choice, and thereby missing out on destined happiness, can paralyze individuals in their pursuit of love. This fear and uncertainty might lead to a culture of indecisiveness and commitment-phobia, with people hesitating to invest in relationships due to the lurking doubt whether this person is indeed their preordained partner.

Moreover, the societal emphasis on finding “the one” can engender feelings of inadequacy and unfulfillment among those who are single or in non-traditional relationships. The pervasive narrative that equates happiness and self-worth with being in a romantic relationship with “the one” can marginalize and invalidate diverse experiences and expressions of love, companionship, and individual identity.

Redefining Love and Relationships

While the myth of “the one” has shaped our cultural narratives and personal aspirations for centuries, it is crucial to acknowledge its limitations and reconsider our approach to love and relationships. Embracing a more flexible, inclusive, and realistic understanding of love can enable us to form healthier, more fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect, shared values, and genuine connection, rather than chasing unattainable ideals.

Instead of viewing relationships through the lens of destiny and perfection, recognizing the importance of effort, growth, and compatibility can lead to more meaningful and sustainable partnerships. By valuing individual uniqueness and the diversity of human connections, we can liberate ourselves from the constraints of antiquated ideals and enrich our lives with a broader spectrum of love and intimacy.

Understanding that love is not about finding a preordained partner but about building a shared experience can empower us to take responsibility for our happiness and fulfillment within relationships. This shift in perspective can open up new possibilities for connection, self-discovery, and mutual enrichment, fostering a culture of love that celebrates diversity, authenticity, and individual agency.

In conclusion, the myth of “the one” has a profound impact on our perceptions, expectations, and experiences of love and relationships. By deconstructing this myth and embracing a more nuanced, inclusive view of love, we can cultivate healthier, more authentic connections and enrich our lives with the multifaceted beauty of human intimacy.

Breaking the Myth About “The One”

Building relationships while navigating the pervasive myth of the ideal partner or “the one” can be challenging but is crucial for cultivating fulfilling connections. The notion of a perfect, predestined partner can set unrealistic expectations and create unnecessary pressure, ultimately impacting the quality and longevity of relationships. Here are several strategies for coping with this myth while building and sustaining meaningful relationships.

Breaking the Myth About The One
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1. Cultivate Realistic Expectations

Recognizing that the notion of a perfect partner is a romanticized ideal and not a reality is the first step. Understand that everyone has flaws and that disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. By maintaining realistic expectations, you can approach relationships with a more balanced and open mindset, focusing on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values rather than unattainable perfection.

2. Develop a Growth Mindset

Adopting a growth mindset in relationships involves seeing challenges and disagreements as opportunities for personal and mutual development rather than insurmountable obstacles. Embrace the idea that effort, communication, and compromise are integral components of a healthy relationship. This mindset can promote resilience, adaptability, and a deeper connection, allowing relationships to evolve and flourish over time.

3. Foster Self-Love and Independence

The myth of “the one” often implies that a partner will complete us and fulfill all our needs, potentially leading to codependency and loss of individuality. Cultivating self-love and maintaining a sense of independence are crucial for a balanced relationship. By valuing yourself and preserving your autonomy, you can contribute to a partnership more fully and authentically, enriching the relationship while maintaining your unique identity.

4. Prioritize Compatibility and Shared Values

Instead of focusing on finding the ideal partner, concentrate on compatibility and shared values. Common goals, values, and lifestyles often play a more significant role in relationship success than the elusive spark of “destined” connection. By aligning on fundamental beliefs and aspirations, you can build a strong foundation for a lasting, harmonious relationship.

5. Embrace Diversity in Connections

Understanding and valuing the diverse range of human connections can liberate you from the constraints of the ideal partner myth. Appreciate the variety of relationships in your life, each offering different perspectives, experiences, and types of support. This inclusive approach to human connection can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life, beyond the narrow confines of romantic partnerships.

6. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Expressing your thoughts, feelings, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully can prevent misunderstandings and build trust and intimacy. By fostering a supportive, non-judgmental communication environment, you and your partner can navigate the complexities of your relationship more effectively and deepen your connection.

The myth of the ideal partner can pose significant challenges when building relationships, but by adopting a realistic, growth-oriented, and inclusive approach to love and connection, these challenges can be overcome. Developing healthy, fulfilling relationships is less about finding the perfect partner and more about cultivating mutual respect, understanding, shared values, and open communication.

By dismantling the unrealistic expectations set by the myth of “the one,” we can embrace the beautiful, multifaceted reality of human intimacy and connection, fostering relationships that are authentic, enriching, and enduring.


The pervasive myth of ‘the one’ has undoubtedly shaped our perceptions and approaches to love and relationships. By examining its origins, psychological underpinnings, and the complexities of human interaction, we uncover the multifaceted nature of love, questioning the validity of this long-held belief. The comparison between the myth and the realities of relationships highlights the potential misalignments between our beliefs and experiences, prompting a reevaluation of our expectations and understandings of love.

It is imperative to foster open dialogues about the diverse expressions and experiences of love, allowing for more inclusive, flexible, and realistic approaches to relationships.

This exploration is not meant to dismiss the beauty and profundity of love but to encourage a more comprehensive and nuanced understanding of it. Embracing the complexities and variabilities of love can lead to more fulfilling and meaningful connections, liberating us from the constraints of outdated and possibly unrealistic ideals.

Written by
Kate worked in "The Fashion Magazine" for four years as a freelance writer and loved to consult and help people with their style. How to create your own style, how to look beautiful, and select trendy colors for your hair - these are just a few of many issues Kate will happily explain in Beezzly Beauty blogs!
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