60 Turn-Ons in a Relationship for Men and Women

We've all been there—on those dates where the chemistry is undeniable, where every word exchanged sends tingles down our spine.

Written by Kate Holmsy. Updated on 60 Turn Ons in a Relationship for Men and Women

We’ve all been there—on those dates where the chemistry is undeniable, where every word exchanged sends tingles down our spine. Relationships are built on a mix of compatibility, communication, and, let’s face it, a good dose of mutual attraction.

While attraction can be complex, certain ‘turn-ons’ have been universally acknowledged by many. These are the intangible (and sometimes tangible) things that draw us to someone, lighting up our world with excitement. This article will dive deep into these turn-ons, some of which might be surprising, while others might be delightfully relatable.

Dive with us into this comprehensive guide that unearths those tiny little sparks that fan the flames of attraction. While every individual is different, research has given us insights into some commonalities. You might be nodding in agreement or shaking your head in disbelief, but one thing’s for sure—by the end of this, you’ll have quite the arsenal of knowledge on what gets those romantic gears grinding.

1. Shared Interests and Values

It’s often said that opposites attract, but research suggests that couples with shared interests and values tend to have more lasting and fulfilling relationships. When both parties are passionate about similar things, it’s like fuel to the romantic fire.

  • Hobbies: From the artsy types bonding over a shared love for painting to the sporty duo who love their weekend hikes. Shared hobbies can be a significant turn-on.
  • Life Goals: When both individuals have aligned life visions, it can be immensely attractive. It’s the idea that both are on the same journey together.
  • Cultural Values: Sometimes, having similar backgrounds or cultural values can provide a deep sense of connection, making the other person irresistibly appealing.

2. Physical Attributes and Grooming

Looks aren’t everything, but they certainly play a role in initial attraction. There’s a reason why fitness magazines and beauty brands thrive. But remember, beauty is subjective.

  • Fitness: There’s something about someone who takes care of their body that’s incredibly alluring. Whether it’s the toned muscles or just the sheer discipline, it portrays.
  • Scent: Did you know that our sense of smell plays a pivotal role in attraction?That’s right, the right perfume or even natural scent can drive someone wild.
  • Dressing Sense: It’s not about branded clothes but how one carries themselves. A person who knows how to dress well exudes confidence and style.
6 Physical Traits That Women Find Irresistible | Courtney Ryan6 Physical Traits That Women Find Irresistible | Courtney Ryan

3. Humor and Wit

There’s truth in the age-old saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.” A shared joke or witty banter can ignite sparks like nothing else.

  • Sarcasm: When done right, sarcasm can be both funny and enticing. It adds an element of mystery and intellect.
  • Inside Jokes: Sharing a laugh that only the two of you understand is a turn-on that deepens your bond.
  • Playful Teasing: Light-hearted teasing can create an atmosphere of fun and intimacy.

Comparison Table: Men vs. Women Turn-Ons

Attributes Men Women
Shared Hobbies High High
Fitness Very High High
Scent Medium Very High
Wit & Humor High Very High
Dressing Sense High Medium

4. Emotional Intelligence

In an age where everyone’s vying for genuine connections, emotional intelligence[4] is a huge turn-on. It’s about understanding, empathizing, and connecting on a deeper level.

  • Active Listening: Showing genuine interest in someone’s day or problems can be extremely attractive.
  • Empathy: The ability to put oneself in another’s shoes and understand their feelings creates a safe and intimate environment.
  • Self-awareness: Knowing one’s emotions and handling them maturely indicates emotional maturity, a trait many find appealing.

5. Adventure and Spontaneity

Sometimes, it’s the element of surprise and the thrill of the unknown that can be incredibly magnetic.

  • Travel: A zest for exploring new places and experiencing different cultures can be very alluring.
  • Spontaneous Plans: An impromptu dinner date or a surprise weekend getaway can add excitement to any relationship.
  • Learning New Things: Be it a new dance form or a unique hobby, the desire to learn and grow is undeniably attractive.

6. Communication Skills

In an age dominated by digital interactions, effective face-to-face communication remains a golden trait that many find irresistible. Good communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship, ensuring both partners feel heard and valued.

  • Active Listening: Yes, it’s mentioned twice in this list because it’s that crucial! Truly hearing what someone has to say, without just waiting for your turn to speak, is deeply attractive.
  • Expressiveness: Being able to articulate feelings, needs, and desires shows confidence and clarity, eliminating unnecessary misunderstandings.
  • Non-verbal Communication: Sometimes, a touch or a look can convey more than words ever could.
6. Communication Skills
AllaSerebrina via vista.create

7. Kindness and Compassion

It might sound cliché, but kindness is a massive turn-on. In a world filled with uncertainties, showing compassion not just to one’s partner but to others as well can be a heart-melter.

  • Acts of Service: From making breakfast to helping with tasks, small gestures often speak the loudest.
  • Understanding: Being patient and trying to understand a partner’s perspective, especially during disagreements, can solidify attraction.
  • Generosity: Sharing and being giving, be it with time, resources, or affection, radiates warmth.

8. Passion and Drive

There’s something deeply captivating about someone who’s passionate. It could be about their job, a hobby, or even a cause. That glint in their eye can be a major turn-on.

  1. Ambition: Having goals and working towards them exudes determination.
  2. Enthusiasm: Being genuinely excited about something can be infectious.
  3. Dedication: Committing to something and seeing it through is a testament to one’s character.
8. Passion and Drive
AllaSerebrina via vistacreate

9. Vulnerability

While society often encourages us to wear a mask of strength, vulnerability can be refreshingly attractive. It’s about letting someone in, showcasing authentic emotions, and building trust.

  1. Honesty: Sharing fears, aspirations, and insecurities can foster deeper intimacy.
  2. Trust: Allowing oneself to be vulnerable indicates trust, making the relationship more robust.
  3. Emotionally Open: Not shying away from showcasing true feelings, be it joy or sorrow, can be a game-changer.

10. Mutual Respect

It may not sound like a ‘turn-on’ in the traditional sense, but respect is the cornerstone of love. When you feel deeply respected by someone, it’s an enormous booster of attraction.

  1. Boundaries: Understanding and respecting personal boundaries demonstrates maturity.
  2. Support: Believing in a partner’s decisions and aspirations, even if they don’t align with one’s own.
  3. Acceptance: Loving and respecting someone for who they are, flaws and all.
10. Mutual Respect
DmitryPoch via vistacreate

11. Shared Experiences

There’s an undeniable bond that forms when two individuals share experiences, be they monumental or mundane. Shared memories serve as building blocks for deeper connections and stronger relationships.

  1. Travel Adventures: Exploring a new city or even getting lost together can lead to unforgettable moments and stories that last a lifetime.
  2. Challenges Overcome: Facing adversity or tackling challenges together can reinforce trust and solidify bonds.
  3. Celebrating Milestones: Marking achievements or special occasions together makes for memorable turn-on moments that often reinforce mutual admiration.

12. Intellectual Compatibility

Minds connecting can be just as stimulating as physical attraction. Stimulating conversations, debates, and shared learning experiences can be intensely appealing.

  1. Intellectual Debates: Having thought-provoking discussions where both parties respect each other’s views can be invigorating.
  2. Shared Learning: Joining a class or workshop together or even just sharing interesting reads can be a delightful bonding activity.
  3. Curiosity: A mutual thirst for knowledge and understanding can fuel endless hours of captivating conversation.

13. Sense of Security

Feeling safe and secure in a relationship is a significant turn-on. When there’s mutual trust, it paves the way for deeper intimacy and vulnerability.

  1. Reliability: Being someone’s rock, someone they can always count on, is profoundly attractive.
  2. Consistency: Stability and predictability in actions and behavior make a partner feel cherished and valued.
  3. Protectiveness: While not in an overbearing way, a subtle sense of wanting to protect and care for your partner can be alluring.
13. Sense of Security
DmitryPoch via vistacreate

14. Appreciation and Validation

Being noticed and valued for who you are and what you bring to the relationship is heartening. Everyone wants to feel seen and acknowledged.

  1. Compliments: Genuine praises and recognizing a partner’s efforts or qualities can brighten their day.
  2. Acknowledging Efforts: Whether it’s a well-cooked meal or a supportive gesture, acknowledging and showing gratitude is charming.
  3. Celebrating Small Wins: Be it a promotion at work or a personal achievement, celebrating each other’s successes is heartwarming.

15. Shared Secrets

There’s a unique intimacy in confiding and sharing secrets. These shared whispers create a private world just for the two, enhancing the sense of exclusivity.

  1. Personal Stories: Sharing past experiences, memories, or even regrets, deepens the connection.
  2. Dreams and Aspirations: Discussing future hopes, no matter how wild or unreachable they might seem, makes for intimate moments.
  3. Fears and Anxieties: Letting someone in on your vulnerabilities and worries, and having them provide comfort, is a bond like no other.

16. Playfulness and Light-heartedness

Being serious and mature is crucial in a relationship, but so is letting loose and having fun. Playful interactions can bring joy and remind couples not to take life too seriously.

  1. Spontaneous Dance Parties: Dancing in the living room for no reason or doing a silly dance can bring forth hearty laughter.
  2. Playful Challenges: From board games to making fun bets, friendly competition can be invigorating.
  3. Surprise Date Nights: Planning an unexpected date or activity can bring excitement and freshness to the relationship.
16. Playfulness and Light heartedness
AndrewLozovyi via vista.create

17. Mutual Growth and Support

When two individuals grow together, it’s a journey that strengthens their bond. Supporting each other’s personal and professional growth is deeply attractive.

  1. Career Support: Standing by your partner’s ambitions and career moves, even when they’re challenging, reinforces trust and admiration.
  2. Personal Growth: Encouraging each other to pursue hobbies, learn new skills, or overcome personal challenges strengthens the foundation.
  3. Embracing Change: Being adaptable and supportive of each other’s evolving dreams and aspirations is endearing.

18. Quality Time

In our increasingly busy world, carving out time for each other is a testament to priorities and commitment. Quality over quantity is key.

  1. Deep Conversations: Setting aside time for heartfelt discussions can reignite passion and connection.
  2. Digital Detox: Spending time without gadgets, fully present with each other, makes for memorable moments.
  3. Cooking Together: Transforming a mundane task into a fun, bonding activity can be delightful and enriching.

19. Trust and Loyalty

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Knowing that someone has your back, come what may, is profoundly comforting.

  1. Transparency: Open communication, even about uncomfortable topics, solidifies trust.
  2. Staying Loyal in Challenges: Standing firm during life’s storms, showing unwavering loyalty, is intensely appealing.
  3. Keeping Promises: Being reliable and staying true to one’s word showcases integrity and deepens trust.

20. Intimacy and Affection

Beyond the physical, intimacy is about creating a deep emotional connection. Small gestures of affection can amplify the romantic connection.

  1. Holding Hands: This simple act can make one feel cherished and connected.
  2. Surprise Gestures: From leaving love notes to giving unexpected hugs, these gestures warm the heart.
  3. Deep Eye Contact: Sometimes, a lot can be said without words, just by gazing into each other’s eyes.
10 Biggest Turn Ons for Men | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs10 Biggest Turn Ons for Men | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs


In the dynamic world of relationships, where each bond is as unique as a fingerprint, these turn-ons act as universal catalysts, sparking connection and deepening attraction. While this list is by no means exhaustive, it provides a glimpse into the multifaceted world of human connection.

So, the next time you feel that indescribable pull toward someone, you might just be able to pinpoint what’s lighting the fire. Relationships are intricate dances of push and pull, and recognizing these turn-ons might just make the waltz a little more harmonious.

Frequently Asked Questions

⭐What's the most common turn-on for both men and women?

Communication skills consistently rank high for both genders. Effective and genuine communication makes both parties feel valued and heard, leading to a deeper connection.

⭐Are physical attributes more important than emotional ones when it comes to turn-ons?

While physical attributes can play a role in initial attraction, emotional and intellectual connections tend to have a lasting impact on the depth and longevity of a relationship.

⭐How can couples discover each other's turn-ons?

Open communication is key! It's essential to have honest conversations, explore new activities together, and be attentive to each other's reactions and preferences.

⭐Does every turn-on apply to everyone?

No, individual preferences vary. What works for one might not work for another. It's crucial to find what resonates with you and your partner.

Written by
Kate worked in "The Fashion Magazine" for four years as a freelance writer and loved to consult and help people with their style. How to create your own style, how to look beautiful, and select trendy colors for your hair - these are just a few of many issues Kate will happily explain in Beezzly Beauty blogs!
Our editors independently research, test, and recommend the best products; you can learn more about our review process here.
10 Biggest Turn Ons for Men | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs10 Biggest Turn Ons for Men | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs