16 Things Every Mom Should Ask For in Divorce Negotiations

Divorce is not something anyone envisions when saying "I do," but sometimes it becomes an inevitable path

Written by Kate Holmsy. Updated on 16 Things Every Mom Should Ask For in Divorce Negotiations

Divorce is not something anyone envisions when saying “I do,” but sometimes it becomes an inevitable path. This complex process carries a host of emotional, financial, and legal implications that can be quite overwhelming. For mothers, especially, a wide array of concerns comes to the forefront – child custody, finances, property division, and many more.

While the legal jargon may appear intimidating at first, it is essential to arm yourself with comprehensive knowledge to navigate these murky waters.

In this article, we provide a definitive guide detailing sixteen crucial considerations for mothers facing divorce negotiations. Using these points as a compass, you will be able to steer your ship safely through the rough seas of divorce, ensuring your rights and your children’s welfare are protected.

1. Child Custody

Child custody is one of the foremost concerns during a divorce. Here are three crucial aspects:

  • Physical Custody: This determines with whom the child will live. A mother should seek primary physical custody, which means the child spends a significant portion of time living with her.
  • Legal Custody: This dictates who gets to make important decisions about the child’s upbringing, education, health, and religious practices. A mother should strive for joint legal custody or, in certain circumstances, sole legal custody.
  • Visitation Rights: Ensure a fair and detailed visitation schedule that respects the child’s needs and routines. A study suggests children benefit from maintaining relationships with both parents post-divorce.

2. Child Support

Child support is essential to guarantee the child’s well-being. Consider these elements:

  • Monetary Support: This ensures that the child’s day-to-day expenses are covered. It should encompass educational expenses, healthcare costs, and basic necessities.
  • Adjustments Over Time: Child support should be subject to revision as circumstances change. Research indicates that regular adjustments in child support amounts contribute to stability in the child’s life.
  • Enforcement Mechanisms: Be sure to discuss legal enforcement mechanisms in case the other party defaults on child support payments.
2. Child Support
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3. Alimony

Alimony, also known as spousal support, is another key element. Consider the following:

  • Amount and Duration: Alimony amount depends on factors like the length of the marriage, earning capacities, and each party’s financial needs.
  • Type of Alimony: Temporary, rehabilitative, and permanent alimony are the three main types. Decide what’s most suitable for your situation.
  • Tax Implications: Alimony has tax implications, as shown in this research. Make sure you’re informed about these.

4. Property and Asset Division

Asset division can be a contentious issue. Here’s what to consider:

  • Marital Home: If you wish to keep the marital home, especially for the sake of your children’s stability, negotiate accordingly.
  • Marital Debts: Be aware of how debt is divided in a divorce.
  • Retirement Benefits: Assets such as pensions and 401(k)s are subject to division in a divorce.
4. Property and Asset Division
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5. Legal Fees

Divorce can be costly. Consider these factors:

  • Attorney’s Fees: Divorce lawyer rates can vary widely. Make sure you understand all potential costs before proceeding.
  • Court Costs: Filing fees and other court costs should be factored into your financial planning.
  • Expert Witness Fees: If your case requires expert witnesses, these additional costs should be anticipated.

Here is a comparison table to give a visual guide:

Item Who Should Pay? Average Cost
Attorney's Fees Each party or based on income disparity $250-500 per hour
Court Costs Usually each party $150-500
Expert Witness Fees Depending on the circumstances $200-700 per hour

6. Insurance

Insurance matters can become complicated after divorce. Here are some key points:

  • Health Insurance: If you are covered under your spouse’s health insurance, you may need to find alternative coverage after divorce.
  • Life Insurance: It is wise to ensure that the parent paying child support has sufficient life insurance to cover the obligation in case of death.
  • Car and Home Insurance: Adjust these policies to reflect the changes in ownership and beneficiaries.

Remember, this guide is meant to help you think about some important elements you might encounter during divorce negotiations. However, each situation is unique, and you should seek professional advice tailored to your specific circumstances. Equipped with this knowledge, you’ll be better prepared to advocate for your rights and your children’s future.


7. Transitioning Assistance

Transitioning can be tough. Keep these points in mind:

  • Relocation Expenses: If you plan to move out of the marital home, you might want to negotiate for assistance with moving expenses.
  • Job Training: If you’ve been out of the workforce for a while, you may need job training or education to gain employment. Your spouse may be required to assist with these costs.
  • Temporary Support: You may be entitled to temporary support to maintain your lifestyle until the divorce is finalized and the property is divided.

8. Tax Consequences

Understanding the tax implications of divorce is vital. Here are three important considerations:

  • Filing Status: Your tax filing status will change following your divorce, which can impact your tax rate and potential refund.
  • Dependency Exemptions: Make sure to discuss who will claim the children as dependents for tax purposes.
  • Transfer of Property: Transferring property and assets can have tax implications. Consider seeking advice from a tax professional.
8. Tax Consequences
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9. Children’s Education

Education is a major concern for parents. Here’s what to look out for:

  • Education Funds: Make arrangements to secure funds for your children’s education. This includes tuition for private schools and college savings plans.
  • Educational Decisions: Ensure that the divorce agreement stipulates how decisions regarding your children’s education will be made.
  • Extra-Curricular Activities: The cost and decisions related to extra-curricular activities should also be discussed and included in the divorce agreement.

10. Future Dispute Resolution

While it may seem pessimistic, planning for future disputes can save a lot of pain down the line. Consider these points:

  • Mediation/Arbitration Clauses: Including a provision for mediation or arbitration can provide a roadmap for resolving any future disagreements.
  • Decision-Making: Discuss how future decisions involving the children will be made and what will happen in case of disagreement.
  • Review and Modification: Over time, the needs of your children will change. It’s important to include provisions for reviewing and modifying the divorce agreement.
5 Tips to Resolve Child Custody Disputes  from a Divorce Lawyer5 Tips to Resolve Child Custody Disputes from a Divorce Lawyer

11. Division of Shared Businesses

If you and your spouse co-own a business, dividing it can be complex. Think about these aspects:

  • Valuation: An accurate business valuation is essential.
  • Buy-Out: If one spouse wants to continue the business, a buy-out agreement could be a good option.
  • Co-Management: If both spouses want to continue running the business, arrangements should be made for co-management.

12. Name Change

In case you wish to revert to your maiden name, consider:

  • Legal Procedure: Ensure you understand the legal procedure involved in a name change.
  • Impact: Consider the potential implications on your children, as well as professional implications.
  • Documentation: Keep in mind that you’ll need to update all of your identification and official documents.
12. Name Change
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13. Future Communication

Navigating communication after divorce is tricky but important:

  • Communication Methods: Agree on the preferred methods of communication (email, text, phone call, etc.)
  • Boundaries: Set clear boundaries for when and why communication should occur.
  • Conflict Management: Include provisions for how conflicts in communication will be resolved.

14. Retirement Plans

Don’t forget about retirement plans. They are valuable assets:

  • Division of Assets: Understand how your retirement assets will be divided.
  • QDRO: A Qualified Domestic Relations Order may be necessary to divide certain types of retirement plans.
  • Social Security: Depending on the length of your marriage, you may be entitled to benefits based on your ex-spouse’s Social Security record.

15. Privacy Agreements

Respecting each other’s privacy post-divorce is crucial. Consider:

  1. Non-Disparagement Clauses: These clauses prevent each party from speaking negatively about the other in public or on social media.
  2. Confidentiality Clauses: Confidentiality clauses prevent the disclosure of private information obtained during the marriage.
  3. Children’s Privacy: Include provisions to protect your children’s privacy.
15. Privacy Agreements
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16. Emotional Well-Being

Last but not least, consider your emotional well-being:

  1. Counseling/Therapy: If necessary, consider asking your spouse to contribute to the costs of counseling or therapy sessions.
  2. Time for Healing: Allow yourself time to heal. Don’t rush into major life decisions immediately following the divorce.
  3. Children’s Therapy: Depending on the circumstances, it may be beneficial for your children to attend therapy as well.

Divorce is a difficult journey, but with the right guidance and knowledge, you can navigate it with confidence and come out stronger. This guide provides a starting point, but always remember that professional advice is invaluable in this process. You have the power to protect your rights and secure a better future for you and your children.


In conclusion, while every divorce is as unique as the individuals involved, understanding the potential implications and areas for negotiation can go a long way in safeguarding your rights and the well-being of your children. It’s important to remember that this guide is not exhaustive, nor does it replace professional legal counsel, but rather serves as a helpful starting point in understanding the breadth of considerations within divorce negotiations.

Despite the challenges that accompany this transitional period, equipping yourself with knowledge and seeking professional advice can transform an arduous journey into an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. It’s essential to remember that while this chapter of your life may be closing, a new one, full of potential and possibilities, is just about to begin.

Be kind to yourself, take the necessary time to heal, and always focus on creating a stable and nurturing environment for your children. You’re not alone, and this, too, shall pass.

Frequently Asked Questions

⭐What's the first thing I should do when preparing for divorce negotiations?

First and foremost, seek legal advice. A legal expert can provide guidance specific to your situation and jurisdiction.

⭐What should I remember when negotiating child custody arrangements?

Always put your children's needs first. Consider their schooling, routines, and emotional well-being when devising custody and visitation schedules.

⭐How is property divided in a divorce?

This depends on your location. Some places use equitable distribution, where property is divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Others use community property laws, where marital property is divided 50/50.

⭐What is alimony, and am I entitled to it?

Alimony, or spousal support, is a financial provision one spouse may have to pay the other during and/or after the divorce. Whether you're entitled depends on several factors, including the length of your marriage, both parties' income and financial needs, and more.

Written by
Kate worked in "The Fashion Magazine" for four years as a freelance writer and loved to consult and help people with their style. How to create your own style, how to look beautiful, and select trendy colors for your hair - these are just a few of many issues Kate will happily explain in Beezzly Beauty blogs!
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